Taro T Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I dunno. I've known a few couples that seemingly fit that bill, and the wedding/marriage in one case was a "we need to make this official to solidify things/make them more special" and it failed, because marriage changes virtually nothing (and that can be a huge rude awakening to many people it seems), the other was "wellp, guess we better do this, cuz I'm stuck with you for life" resignation sort of thing. It's like they were holding their breath and putting up to hit the Big Milestone that would magically Make It All Work, hooray we did it! And then they did it, exhaled, and went... oh. Well. Doing over... I'd... ok, see ya. Success and failure at anything is as individual as the person(s) involved. Yep. Marriage isn't going to magically strengthen something that isn't there. But, if it is there, it CAN help strengthen the relationship. Only advice I'd have, speaking as someone 24 years into the "starter" marriage, to people getting married / considering it is remember that you're a team & you can't intentionally shaft your partner, apologize sincerely when you accidentally do (whether you fully understand what you did/ how you did it), & when you hit the inevitable rough patches try not to look at how you'll get out of the partnership but rather what you saw originally that made you want to be together Iin the 1st place & how to work it out together. Like anything, it's work, but it does seem to become easier when the effort becomes habit. And, if you've put in the effort, you'll very likely find that when the really trying times come, you'll not only want to stand together, you WILL stand together & weather the storm more successfully than had either / both of you had to go it alone. And, if after all that, you still can't keep it together, just say f### it & then please let me know what works in round 2. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabres Fan in NS Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 So divorce? He has mentioned it a few times in this thread. Any divorce makes me sad, even if most of the time it is for the best. Marriage is not always a picnic even for us ... 29+ years in to our first for both of us. We have been through a lot together, some good and some very bad. It seems that getting through the tough parts makes us stronger together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 He has mentioned it a few times in this thread. Any divorce makes me sad, even if most of the time it is for the best. Marriage is not always a picnic even for us ... 29+ years in to our first for both of us. We have been through a lot together, some good and some very bad. It seems that getting through the tough parts makes us stronger together. Sometimes I think my parents would be happier if they'd separated. 35+ years now, 12 year difference between them. He's an old man, she's at the "travel and really enjoy life" age. A lot of toxicity built up, a lot of grudges. Then again, I don't know. Maybe that would've made it worse. The woman who owns my aerial studio/my boss/friend/all around amazing person is going through a separation after 12 years. She's the happiest I've ever seen her now, and I am so so so proud of her. My best friend back home is already beginning the same mistakes with the last marriage all over again... and once again, no advice or amount of giant red flags waving in her face is steering her course any different. Again, it's as individual as the case. I'm good with taking it slow. No partnership is without its issues or difficulties. It's the couples that tell me they have no problems and never fight that I worry about most, honestly. Or maybe they're just really damn lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I have a completely separate complaint from the current discussion and it's that I wish volunteer work was tax deductible. I could really use some extra income right now, but I don't have any desire to pick up some crap job. I would rather learn a new skill or do something a little more valuable if I'm going to give up some of my leisure time, but volunteering without pay at the moment would be a misuse of my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabel79 Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Things will indeed be alright. This summer was... unpleasant. Once I digested it, however, it was clearly what needed to happen. But the wife and I pretty much have things hammered out. We split custody 50/50, assets are pretty much already where they need to be. Heck, we had thanksgiving together. New but related complaint. We might not be filing for some time, as she is going to be having some major surgery in January and may need ongoing treatment for an issue that's popped up. She needs to stay insured and she's not going to get a better deal from her employer or on the market, and I am not a monster. I hope she comes out of this okay. Wouldn't wish it on anyone and our daughter needs her mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabres Fan in NS Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Things will indeed be alright. This summer was... unpleasant. Once I digested it, however, it was clearly what needed to happen. But the wife and I pretty much have things hammered out. We split custody 50/50, assets are pretty much already where they need to be. Heck, we had thanksgiving together. New but related complaint. We might not be filing for some time, as she is going to be having some major surgery in January and may need ongoing treatment for an issue that's popped up. She needs to stay insured and she's not going to get a better deal from her employer or on the market, and I am not a monster. I hope she comes out of this okay. Wouldn't wish it on anyone and our daughter needs her mom. You are a good man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nfreeman Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Plantar effing fascitis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taro T Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Things will indeed be alright. This summer was... unpleasant. Once I digested it, however, it was clearly what needed to happen. But the wife and I pretty much have things hammered out. We split custody 50/50, assets are pretty much already where they need to be. Heck, we had thanksgiving together. New but related complaint. We might not be filing for some time, as she is going to be having some major surgery in January and may need ongoing treatment for an issue that's popped up. She needs to stay insured and she's not going to get a better deal from her employer or on the market, and I am not a monster. I hope she comes out of this okay. Wouldn't wish it on anyone and our daughter needs her mom. Good luck to her & you. I hope it works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleven Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 You are a good man. Indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gramps Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Having recently gone through a divorce, you find out quickly that someone who was once your best friend can easily turn into your worst enemy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weave Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 Plantar effing fascitis. ugh. That sucks. Been there, done that. Good gel insoles helped me alot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 Wait, y'all's employers don't provide a free cafeteria for you 24/7? Hmm. Hahahahaha hahaha!! :lol: Having recently gone through a divorce, you find out quickly that someone who was once your best friend can easily turn into your worst enemy. Or somebody that I used to know (high five) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 Hahahahaha hahaha!! :lol: So, no then? Just one less expense. It's nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pi2000 Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 My complaint is that this thread locks at 9pm, so I can't bitch about stuff in the late evening here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabel79 Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 You are a good man. Good luck to her & you. I hope it works out. Indeed. Thanks, you guys. I’ll settle for “Not a Monster” though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 My 3 year old petri dish of a child keeps bringing home all sorts of viruses that inevitably are passed to me. I haven't been 100% since October. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weave Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 My 3 year old petri dish of a child keeps bringing home all sorts of viruses that inevitably are passed to me. I haven't been 100% since October. Yeah, you have at least 14 more years of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 Yeah, you have at least 14 more years of that. Good god. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taro T Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 (edited) My 3 year old petri dish of a child keeps bringing home all sorts of viruses that inevitably are passed to me. I haven't been 100% since October.Stinks, but at least you're used to it. :p Figured this year would be Thanksgiving cold free for the 1st time in a dozen years, but not a chance. Apparently coaching teenagers a few hours a week trumps not living with any. :( Edited December 8, 2017 by Taro T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dudacek Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 To me, it sounds like too much of a commitment. There's a finality to it I don't like See, that’s what I think about tattoos. Generational thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PASabreFan Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 My 3 year old petri dish of a child keeps bringing home all sorts of viruses that inevitably are passed to me. I haven't been 100% since October. Sabre fever? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spndnchz Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 My complaint is that this thread locks at 9pm, so I can't bitch about stuff in the late evening here. But you can start 3 hours earlier! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 See, that’s what I think about tattoos. Generational thing? I've never understood the aversion people have to tattoos. I blame my childhood bus driver for blasting that one apart for me I guess. Mr. Bill was the coolest and he had a in grim reaper on his forearm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted December 8, 2017 Report Share Posted December 8, 2017 See, that’s what I think about tattoos. Generational thing? I don't have any tattoos for the same reason. Also the same reason I rent an apartment and won't get a house, and I lease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biodork Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 My new coworker was running really late this morning, which is unusual for her because normally she will text me if she's stuck in traffic or overslept, and we had training scheduled for 9am. Almost an hour later I get a message from her saying she thinks her drink was spiked at a concert last night because she'd just woken up in an unfamiliar place and has no idea where her car is. She's going to the police and the hospital to get checked out, and I'm really worried for her because she has no idea what happened. She doesn't drink... she even turned down a dessert yesterday at our holiday potluck because it was made with bourbon. I was afraid she'd been in a car accident, but this is so much worse. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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