josie Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I don't think being married should change things too dramatically. But who knows. People are complicated and the slightest things can screw up their heads. Imagine someone suddenly becoming a control freak like a switch flipped? I bet it happens. But who the hell can predict it? I think children is a huge deal with marriages ending. One of those "one wants it, the other doesn't, well, if we get married, he/she will see my side, we'll worry about it then" and then it's just bad news bears. Feeling like it's "time" to have kids still often feels like something you worry about AFTER the wedding. So now it's after the vows, and you two vehemently disagree, and all the crap bubbles up and it's a race to find a willing partner before the biological clocks run out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I think children is a huge deal with marriages ending. One of those "one wants it, the other doesn't, well, if we get married, he/she will see my side, we'll worry about it then" and then it's just bad news bears. Feeling like it's "time" to have kids still often feels like something you worry about AFTER the wedding. So now it's after the vows, and you two vehemently disagree, and all the crap bubbles up and it's a race to find a willing partner before the biological clocks run out? Kids are money, a detriment to time for each other, time for alone, and time with your friends; you're exhausted, there's not a lot of spice left, you're pretty broke, and you're stressed because it's a huge responsibility. Sister is currently going through a really rough patch with all of this I don't think being married should change things too dramatically. But who knows. People are complicated and the slightest things can screw up their heads. Imagine someone suddenly becoming a control freak like a switch flipped? I bet it happens. But who the hell can predict it? Probably not for most people. To me, it sounds like too much of a commitment. There's a finality to it I don't like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I think children is a huge deal with marriages ending. One of those "one wants it, the other doesn't, well, if we get married, he/she will see my side, we'll worry about it then" and then it's just bad news bears. Feeling like it's "time" to have kids still often feels like something you worry about AFTER the wedding. So now it's after the vows, and you two vehemently disagree, and all the crap bubbles up and it's a race to find a willing partner before the biological clocks run out? I think you're right. I think children has probably played a role in at least two of the five friend divorces. Kids are money, a detriment to time for each other, time for alone, and time with your friends; you're exhausted, there's not a lot of spice left, you're pretty broke, and you're stressed because it's a huge responsibility. Sister is currently going through a really rough patch with all of this Probably not for most people. To me, it sounds like too much of a commitment. There's a finality to it I don't like I think that's just something you have to come around to. Some people probably never do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabres Fan in NS Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Trust me, Josie and Dark, you guys are 'married'. Sure, you haven't had the party and signed a document to make it 'official', but you guys are married. :beer: A toast to the blushing bride and even bushier groom. Actually, not sure of NYS, but in Canada that is how it works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I think it's mostly a crap shoot based on what things in life you value, shared priorities, etc. Something like taking a new job or discovering your spouse is terrible with money once you combine accounts. Who knows. I'm not worried either way I guess. Combined accounts, hahaha. To quote me, "don't touch my money!" And my lady agrees 100%. Although, that is by design. I've got a job, she's got a job. The mortgage and bills get paid and I buy anything I want whenever I want and she does the same. We have never asked each other's permission to make a purchase in our entire relationship. It's really wonderful. It also helps that my lady is the least material girl I've ever been with. Like, ever! Except for makeup. If we had a joint checking account, her $ spent in Sephora would be the end of us. As I'm sure if she knew what I spent on suits for work, or golf, would give her an embolism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samson's Flow Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Trust me, Josie and Dark, you guys are 'married'. Sure, you haven't had the party and signed a document to make it 'official', but you guys are married. :beer: A toast to the blushing bride and even bushier groom. Actually, not sure of NYS, but in Canada that is how it works. We don't have the same common law marriage laws as they do in Canada. You have to actually go through with it to get the legal benefits here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Combined accounts, hahaha. To quote me, "don't touch my ###### money!" And my lady agrees 100%. Although, that is by design. I've got a job, she's got a job. The mortgage and bills get paid and I buy anything I want whenever I want and she does the same. We have never asked each other's permission to make a purchase in our entire relationship. It's really wonderful. It also helps that my lady is the least material girl I've ever been with. Like, ever! Except for makeup. If we had a joint checking account, her $ spent in Sephora would be the end of us. As I'm sure if she knew what I spent on suits for work, or golf, would give her an embolism. Yeah, I like keeping finances separate. Especially since Josie owns her own business. She's a saver, so I don't need to check on her, ya know? She's the one with money in the bank, no debt. And most of her diet is pretzels and diet ginger ale. She buys stuff from Lush sometimes. That's about as extravagant as things get. And I would never want to burden her with having to look at my finances, at least not at the moment. She'd have an aneurysm. Three credit cards with 0% interest balance transfers on them, nothing in my savings account, $14k on an auto loan, $64k in student loans... We'll keep things separate I think. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 (edited) Yeah, I like keeping finances separate. Especially since Josie owns her own business. She's a saver, so I don't need to check on her, ya know? She's the one with money in the bank, no debt. And most of her diet is pretzels and diet ginger ale. She buys stuff from Lush sometimes. That's about as extravagant as things get. And I would never want to burden her with having to look at my finances, at least not at the moment. She'd have an aneurysm. Three credit cards with 0% interest balance transfers on them, nothing in my savings account, $14k on an auto loan, $64k in student loans... We'll keep things separate I think. :blush: And even then, only when I have a gift card, thank you very much. The most money I spend is on gifts for other people/shared meals/investments in my business that I can write off on taxes. Or hair appointments. That costs more than I'd like every 3-ish months. I feel pretty guilty about that. I've always been fairly frugal, but since I now earn a quarter of what I did before, I'm pinching pennies till they scream. Joining up with d4rk/mörk would probably create some anger. Edited December 7, 2017 by ABBA_älskare_69 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Yeah, I like keeping finances separate. Especially since Josie owns her own business. She's a saver, so I don't need to check on her, ya know? She's the one with money in the bank, no debt. And most of her diet is pretzels and diet ginger ale. She buys stuff from Lush sometimes. That's about as extravagant as things get. And I would never want to burden her with having to look at my finances, at least not at the moment. She'd have an aneurysm. Three credit cards with 0% interest balance transfers on them, nothing in my savings account, $14k on an auto loan, $64k in student loans... We'll keep things separate I think. :blush: That how you spell aneurysm! Tried it twice before I gave up and went with embolism. My lady makes no money and had a credit score somewhere below terrible. But she's great at always having money. She always has at least 1 paycheck stashed away. Me, I've got like $212 bucks until I get paid tomorrow. But everything is paid. And my 401k is getting 11% of my check every week. I'm counting down the car payments(16)and student loan payments(2!!!) until freedom. Then I'll have more funds to save (yeah, right. I'll buy more toys). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabel79 Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 You guys have me hiding under a blanket and whimpering right now.., Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 You guys have me hiding under a blanket and whimpering right now.., Why? You about to propose? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabel79 Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Why? You about to propose? Almost, except exactly the opposite... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spndnchz Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 And even then, only when I have a gift card, thank you very much. The most money I spend is on gifts for other people/shared meals/investments in my business that I can write off on taxes. Or hair appointments. That costs more than I'd like every 3-ish months. I feel pretty guilty about that. I've always been fairly frugal, but since I now earn a quarter of what I did before, I'm pinching pennies till they scream. Joining up with d4rk/mörk would probably create some anger. If you ain't no punk holla We Want Prenup We want prenup!, yeah It's something that you need to have 'Cause when he leave yo ass he gone leave with half... Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Almost, except exactly the opposite... So divorce? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 That how you spell aneurysm! Tried it twice before I gave up and went with embolism. My lady makes no money and had a credit score somewhere below terrible. But she's great at always having money. She always has at least 1 paycheck stashed away. Me, I've got like $212 bucks until I get paid tomorrow. But everything is paid. And my 401k is getting 11% of my check every week. I'm counting down the car payments(16)and student loan payments(2!!!) until freedom. Then I'll have more funds to save (yeah, right. I'll buy more toys). I'll be in a lot better shape once the credit cards are paid off. It was worth taking the debt on when I went back to school a few years ago because it landed me in the good job I have now, but it's taking a long time to recover from. Half of my salary right now is going right back out to pay on debts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabres Fan in NS Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 We don't have the same common law marriage laws as they do in Canada. You have to actually go through with it to get the legal benefits here. OK. But, I still say they are 'married', ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabel79 Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 So divorce? Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 If you ain't no punk holla We Want Prenup We want prenup!, yeah It's something that you need to have 'Cause when he leave yo ass he gone leave with half... Lol Prenuptials are for people with money... I do not qualify. Though I'd be pretty pissed if d4rk took the plants. We'd fight over the cat, too. You guys have me hiding under a blanket and whimpering right now.., Sorry man. In the end you gotta do what's right for you. Otherwise it's good for no one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 And even then, only when I have a gift card, thank you very much. The most money I spend is on gifts for other people/shared meals/investments in my business that I can write off on taxes. Or hair appointments. That costs more than I'd like every 3-ish months. I feel pretty guilty about that. I've always been fairly frugal, but since I now earn a quarter of what I did before, I'm pinching pennies till they scream. Joining up with d4rk/mörk would probably create some anger. Hair appointments!! Oh my god! $250! I'd shave my head! To be fair, she does get stopped on the street and in stores every single day with people complimenting her hair, but holy hell. My hair costs like $20 and that includes a 45% tip. And that's like, once every 4 months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Hair appointments!! Oh my god! $250! I'd shave my ###### head! To be fair, she does get stopped on the street and in stores every single day with people complimenting her hair, but holy hell. My hair costs like $20 and that includes a 45% tip. And that's like, once every 4 months. I figure it evens out. I get the buzz cut, she gets the nice hair. But I drink like 3 x as much beer as she does, so... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleven Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 If you ain't no punk holla We Want Prenup We want prenup!, yeah It's something that you need to have 'Cause when he leave yo ass he gone leave with half... Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Yup. Sorry man. Everything always ends up working out though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 (edited) Hair appointments!! Oh my god! $250! I'd shave my ###### head! To be fair, she does get stopped on the street and in stores every single day with people complimenting her hair, but holy hell. My hair costs like $20 and that includes a 45% tip. And that's like, once every 4 months. $250 is pretty darn steep. I spent that once- I had one of those keratin treatments done. Yep- my hair was glossy and smooth and model-looking but damn... I can't afford that every 6 months. I did it last year as my one "i'm still on this salary for a couple months before I quit" indulgence. I always look at the pics of the wives/gf's of NHL players and whine about how they all have the exact same gorgeous glossy unattainable hair... now I know why. it's kinda like literally just rubbing hundred dollar bills all over your head. Same for their skin and clothes. Usually costs about $70-80 and I give her a 20 for a tip. The alternative is supercuts butchering my weird wavy/curly/thick mane. I actually have cut it shorter now so I save money on shampoo/conditioner. Edited December 7, 2017 by ABBA_älskare_69 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 I figure it evens out. I get the buzz cut, she gets the nice hair. But I drink like 3 x as much beer as she does, so... Oh it definitely evens out. Like, waaaaayyy more frivolous spending on my part. I'd 100% blow a professional sports contract. Like, no problem. Hell, I won a golf scramble this summer and I had the money spent before I got home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleven Posted December 7, 2017 Report Share Posted December 7, 2017 Yup. That sux. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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