ubkev Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 I don't think that's selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 I don't think that's selfish. I disagree, I think selfish is the right word. It just doesn't have to be a bad thing. I remember all of the stuff we were told as kids, both boys and girls, that if we worked hard we could be anything we wanted and that we should reach for our dreams. It would be extremely unfair to then take that concept and tell someone they have to stop and throw their hard work in the trash. Being a little selfish about achieving what one has worked towards for decades is completely reasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampD Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 What the hell do you people think happens when you have a kid? I have one of the most life changing kid situations that there can possibly be and I don't think my life changed that much. I play hockey. I'm in a band. My wife goes to yoga and goes on trips. We go camping. I mean, we had to cut out the week long sex parties, but I was getting tired of those anyway. I think there are two reasons why a person's' life changes so drastically when they have kids. Either they weren't so thrilled about their life to begin with so they use their kids as an excuse for a reboot, or their the spouse (usually the husband) is a douche and doesn't pick up the slack when they want to do their own thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 What the hell do you people think happens when you have a kid? I have one of the most life changing kid situations that there can possibly be and I don't think my life changed that much. I play hockey. I'm in a band. My wife goes to yoga and goes on trips. We go camping. I mean, we had to cut out the week long sex parties, but I was getting tired of those anyway. I think there are two reasons why a person's' life changes so drastically when they have kids. Either they weren't so thrilled about their life to begin with so they use their kids as an excuse for a reboot, or their the spouse (usually the husband) is a douche and doesn't pick up the slack when they want to do their own thing. I'm inclined to agree with you, but that's probably because I'm at the point where I would be cool with having kids should the financial part of life eventually catch up. I don't think they'll be a burden to any of the things I want to do. Travelling with kids is fine, my parents did it with us all the time. Plus having kids gives you an excuse to get out of the house, teach them things, share experiences, etc. I had a good childhood and at 30 I find myself mentally preparing for trying to do the same for my future kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randall Flagg Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 What the hell do you people think happens when you have a kid? I have one of the most life changing kid situations that there can possibly be and I don't think my life changed that much. I play hockey. I'm in a band. My wife goes to yoga and goes on trips. We go camping. I mean, we had to cut out the week long sex parties, but I was getting tired of those anyway. I think there are two reasons why a person's' life changes so drastically when they have kids. Either they weren't so thrilled about their life to begin with so they use their kids as an excuse for a reboot, or their the spouse (usually the husband) is a douche and doesn't pick up the slack when they want to do their own thing. There is no way I could have a kid and stay in school. It would be financially and mentally impossible. My undergrad degree doesn't get people jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biodork Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 What the hell do you people think happens when you have a kid? I have one of the most life changing kid situations that there can possibly be and I don't think my life changed that much. I play hockey. I'm in a band. My wife goes to yoga and goes on trips. We go camping. I mean, we had to cut out the week long sex parties, but I was getting tired of those anyway. I think there are two reasons why a person's' life changes so drastically when they have kids. Either they weren't so thrilled about their life to begin with so they use their kids as an excuse for a reboot, or their the spouse (usually the husband) is a douche and doesn't pick up the slack when they want to do their own thing. :w00t: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 TWC is offering a deal for internet, phone (don't want), and cable for $30 a month. Internet is at 60 Mbps. Is that good? Is this an actual good deal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 TWC is offering a deal for internet, phone (don't want), and cable for $30 a month. Internet is at 60 Mbps. Is that good? Is this an actual good deal? That's a good deal. But be careful, you might be reading the offer wrong. I've never seen a deal that good from Time Warner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 I'm inclined to agree with you, but that's probably because I'm at the point where I would be cool with having kids should the financial part of life eventually catch up. I don't think they'll be a burden to any of the things I want to do. Travelling with kids is fine, my parents did it with us all the time. Plus having kids gives you an excuse to get out of the house, teach them things, share experiences, etc. I had a good childhood and at 30 I find myself mentally preparing for trying to do the same for my future kids. Meh, they aren't that expensive. Considering my wife makes next to no money and I'm evidently not half as well off as I think I am. My kid wants for nothing and neither do we. Groceries....those are about it. That kid eats about 20 pounds of cereal a day. It's like feeding a horse. Except he doesn't eat anything else, so I'm kinda making out in that department. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 What the hell do you people think happens when you have a kid? I have one of the most life changing kid situations that there can possibly be and I don't think my life changed that much. I play hockey. I'm in a band. My wife goes to yoga and goes on trips. We go camping. I mean, we had to cut out the week long sex parties, but I was getting tired of those anyway. I think there are two reasons why a person's' life changes so drastically when they have kids. Either they weren't so thrilled about their life to begin with so they use their kids as an excuse for a reboot, or their the spouse (usually the husband) is a douche and doesn't pick up the slack when they want to do their own thing. Well, I can't go out drinking and partying anymore. Can't really take vacations. Can't do, well, a lot of stuff I imagine. For me, it seems like once you have a kid, your life is over. Well, different at least. 5 major life events. Once you cross them all off, it just sucks and there's nothing to look forward to That's a good deal. But be careful, you might be reading the offer wrong. I've never seen a deal that good from Time Warner. Right? That's my exact thought here. How are they screwing me in this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 Well, I can't go out drinking and partying anymore. Can't really take vacations. Can't do, well, a lot of stuff I imagine. For me, it seems like once you have a kid, your life is over. Well, different at least. 5 major life events. Once you cross them all off, it just sucks and there's nothing to look forward to Babysitters, aka grandparents watch children when you want to go out and party. Especially when your a 22-25 year old fall down drunk and your wife is the bartender that's on til closing time. You can rock the mic all night long at karaoke 2 nights a week and play darts and pitch til you pass out on the other 5 nights. Then you wake up and make him breakfast. And the best part is you get to eat it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildCard Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 Babysitters, aka grandparents watch children when you want to go out and party. Especially when your a 22-25 year old fall down drunk and your wife is the bartender that's on til closing time. You can rock the mic all night long at karaoke 2 nights a week and play darts and pitch til you pass out on the other 5 nights. Then you wake up and make him breakfast. And the best part is you get to eat it too. I imagine just being too tired from dealing with the kid to do anything Ahhhh there it is, I read the fine print. It's $30 each, so $90 per month Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) It's less about "no more fun, no more drinking" (though I do enjoy the lack of responsibility for a small and fragile human being) and more "well sh!t there goes my health" for me. Having kids destroyed all the women in my family. Not just cosmetically. We're talkin' severe post partum depression, uterine collapses.. my mother "died" after I was born and was gone for a minute and a half. She lost her "sharpness" and a lot of motor skills. I already have cysts and endometriosis. I'm just plain scared. I know a lot of ladies who have kids and do aerials with me, are super active, super healthy, super fit... I just think my genetics are against me on that front. And if the child is sick, like all of us have been (sister= cancer, me=massive heart problem, GI issues galore, everyone=depression, other worries= schizophrenia, down's syndrome etc)... it's going to be a struggle for the rest of our lives. I'm just not ready to take that sh!t on. Edited August 10, 2017 by Josie914 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubkev Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 I'm by no means trying to convince anyone that having a kid is something they should do by regaling you with tales of what an irresponsible louse I once was and I still managed to keep my kid alive. I'm just saying for the sake of saying. I'm almost done with the child raising. He's 5 years away from college and I still get ID'd to buy chew and lottery tickets. I'm never starting the process again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nfreeman Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 I've got nothing but respect for people who do what's best for them. My best friend got her tubes tied last year. She knew that she never wanted children and both her and her husband struggled too much with mental illness to feel they could raise a child. Having a family/some friends who support you is so incredibly important. For me it's harder that most of the people who want me to have kids ARE nice about it... it's this soft disappointment they express followed quickly by "but of course it's your choice" that just wrenches at my heart. I'll probably end up doing it, d4rk wants kids, it just won't be as soon as people seem to think it should be. I would prefer to have a home, a bit of money saved up, ideally marriage out of the way first. I dreamed I would travel/get another degree/do something with my life before I went down that road, but ... who knows, I've got a few years I guess. I keep viewing it as this guillotine slamming down on my life and ending it as I know it. I'm selfish. It's less about "no more fun, no more drinking" (though I do enjoy the lack of responsibility for a small and fragile human being) and more "well sh!t there goes my health" for me. Having kids destroyed all the women in my family. Not just cosmetically. We're talkin' severe post partum depression, uterine collapses.. my mother "died" after I was born and was gone for a minute and a half. She lost her "sharpness" and a lot of motor skills. I already have cysts and endometriosis. I'm just plain scared. I know a lot of ladies who have kids and do aerials with me, are super active, super healthy, super fit... I just think my genetics are against me on that front. And if the child is sick, like all of us have been (sister= cancer, me=massive heart problem, GI issues galore, everyone=depression, other worries= schizophrenia, down's syndrome etc)... it's going to be a struggle for the rest of our lives. I'm just not ready to take that sh!t on. It's not selfish to be conflicted or scared about having kids. Your reasons are totally legitimate. And no one knows you better than you know yourself. OTOH, while your friends/family that are urging you to do so might be speaking out of turn, they have legit reasons for their exhortations -- not just the desire for a cute plaything. The biggest reason, of course, is their concern that by waiting you could find yourself boxed out of an incredible, life-changing experience. I hate to say it, but this has happened to a number of women I know. I'm a believer that if you take care of the little things, the big things take care of themselves. Having a baby, and taking care of an infant, is really freaking hard (and I didn't even do the hard part!). Those 1st 3 months, until he/she is sleeping through the night -- holy mackerel. But it is so freaking worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weave Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) 5 major life events. Once you cross them all off, it just sucks and there's nothing to look forward to Anyone who had that experience did it wrong. Did we sacrifice stuff while our son was in his formative years? Sure. Were there events that made it worthwhile? Also sure. Is life nearly over? Hell no. My son is just about flown the coop. My wife and I feel l like we are dating again in many ways. It is what you make of it. It always is what you make of it. Edited August 11, 2017 by We've Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ogre Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 Well I'll throw my two pennies in. I'm 45 this Nov and no biological children. I had always assumed I'd be a terrible father. I became entangled with this woman in my late 20's that had a 4 yr old daughter. The mother was bat crazy but I loved that little girl soooooo much that I put up with that psycho for 7 yrs! She's into her 20's now and busy with her life. I rarely see her anymore. I miss her like crazy. Turns out I was a so-so Dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dudacek Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 There is no more significant decision and kids are not for everyone. For me, they were the right decision: providing a grounding and a purpose I had previously lacked. Unexpectedly, they also became my favourite company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biodork Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 There is no more significant decision and kids are not for everyone. For me, they were the right decision: providing a grounding and a purpose I had previously lacked. Unexpectedly, they also became my favourite company. That's awesome, man. I wonder sometimes if my life had taken a different trajectory and I'd found myself happily married and financially stable in my 20s or early 30s, would I feel differently? I kind of suspect I might've, but things are what they are, and I'm just not at a point in my life where I'm ready for kids, and before long biological children won't be a good idea. But fostering and/or adopting is always on the table, so I'm not worried about rushing into anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nfreeman Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 Anyone who had that experience did it wrong. Did we sacrifice stuff while our son was in his formative years? Sure. Were there events that made it worthwhile? Also sure. Is life nearly over? Hell no. My son is just about flown the coop. My wife and I feel l like we are dating again in many ways. It is what you make of it. It always is what you make of it. Beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwksndmonster Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 I'm not opposed to having kids, but I get the sense that it's never going to be the right time for me. It's hard enough to get myself to act on my inspirations and put words on the page now, I can't even imagine trying to be an artist and taking care of a kid(s). I feel like I've always been struggling to really control my life, and now I finally feel like I'm gaining more agency. I don't feel like I have the mental capabilities to be a father and an artist. It makes me sad that there's such societal pressure on young people to get married have kids. And more often than not it's the women who are shackled with the real responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyldnwoody44 Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 I'm in my mid 30's I have 2 sisters, who both have 2 girls each.....I am the only boy that can "carry on the family name" so I get some of the pressure, I keep thinking that it's not for me, I work too much, have a near impossible time finding a woman, and like to travel Wayyyyyyyy too much for the life with kids.... I can see the benefit of having kids, but I get my fill when I teach the little ones in martial arts. And my yearly trips to Disney are enough birth control for any single man :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chileanseabass Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 My wife and I are expecting our 6th in January, but this will be our 2nd together. Of the other 4 from previous relationships (3 are hers, 1 is mine), only 1 "ex" is involved (mine) so my son is only with us every other week. My wife will be 40 in February and I'll be 37 in October. I'm by no means the world's best dad, but being a dad is the best part of my life. No, I don't get to play hockey anymore, or even go to games for that matter. My hockey money goes to pay for the kids soccer, piano, and whatnot. But I would much much rather watch my kids do what they enjoy and be there to support them, than do it myself. I'm an only child, the definition of selfish, but being a parent is great. Sure there's plenty of times I bitch and moan that I'm always doing something for someone else instead of myself. The teenagers drive me nuts, leaving their crap all over the house, and my almost three-year old daughter who thinks she's 15 can drive me up a wall with her know-it-all attitude, but I wouldn't change a thing. Within 4 years, the two oldest will be close to 20. The yet-to-be-born youngest will be a year from Kindergarten. and I'll be 40 (!), but I'm looking forward to it. Having kids isn't for everyone. Having a bunch of kids even less so. But, once you have a kid, everything changes and not for the worst. It opens doors to see and feel things you never thought possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drunkard Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 I'm in my mid 30's I have 2 sisters, who both have 2 girls each.....I am the only boy that can "carry on the family name" so I get some of the pressure, I keep thinking that it's not for me, I work too much, have a near impossible time finding a woman, and like to travel Wayyyyyyyy too much for the life with kids.... I can see the benefit of having kids, but I get my fill when I teach the little ones in martial arts. And my yearly trips to Disney are enough birth control for any single man :) Why are you going to Disneyland/world as a single adult male with no kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted August 11, 2017 Report Share Posted August 11, 2017 Why are you going to Disneyland/world as a single adult male with no kids? I'm assuming he drops acid and rides Space Mountain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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