nfreeman Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 My father-in-law was 73 and in relatively good health, but he collapsed today with a heart attack and passed away quickly. I had my differences with him, but he was a good guy. He raised 4 kids, who all turned out pretty well, and he stayed married to my borderline insane mother-in-law for 49 years. He coached his kids' sports teams, he helped them move in and out of school and various post-college apartments for at least 15 years, and he mortgaged his house to put them through college. He wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. As a Boston College alumnus -- the first member of his family to graduate from college -- he was a huge BC football fan. He was a season-ticket holder and still dragged my mother-in-law to 4 or 5 games a year. His all-time favorite BC alum was Doug Flutie. When Flutie had his great year with the Bills, he made the cover of SI, and I got it framed for my father-in-law for xmas that year. It's been on his TV room wall since then. He also loved the Red Sox. He read every word of the sports page -- good luck getting your hands on that anytime before lunchtime at their house. I met him in 1991, so I knew him for 20 years. I didn't think of him as one of my parents, but I do feel a real loss. I especially feel for my wife, who is hurting. As I said, he wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. He would have appreciated that amazing game tonight -- and I couldn't help thinking, when Gerbe, the BC hero, delivered in the shootout, that Denny was smiling somewhere. Sorry if this is too personal. Since I think there are a fair number of married guys around my age here, I was just wondering what others' experiences in losing an in-law have been like. Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darksabre Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for the loss n. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two or less Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Very sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robviously Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Very sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunomatic Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobody Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 My sympathies to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsrcursed Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Very sorry for you and your family's loss. My in-laws are still around, though her father isn't really in the picture. I'm really close with my mother-in-law (she lives 2 houses down) and while most would cringe at the thought of in-laws living that close, it's been wonderful for us. She's a fantastic person who's helped us tremendously throughout our relationship. I'd be extremely heart broken if we lost her. I am probably closer with her than I am my own mother. Her only downside; Dolphins fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kishoph Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry to hear of your loss, may he RIP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That Aud Smell Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 sorry to hear of the loss. i can identify especially with how such a loss -- while somewhat remote to you -- is cutting to the bone for your best girl. i've known my f-i-l since 1993. with a less than average set of genes and a hard life behind him (the guy raised 8 kids and worked 3 jobs for most of his life), he's in poor health; the thinking is that if he's around for christmas 2011, it will be a small miracle. he and i have had our differences, for sure -- still, i have an abiding respect for the guy and he dotes on my kids just like a grandfather should. when he passes on, i know that it will rock the foundation of my wife's family. hang in there, man. When Flutie had his great year with the Bills, he made the cover of SI, and I got it framed for my father-in-law for xmas that year. as did my wife for me. ain't that something. and I couldn't help thinking, when Gerbe, the BC hero, delivered in the shootout, that Denny was smiling somewhere. i ain't gonna lie -- i half-thought that gerbe was going to pull out this move (or at least try to). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiYUrSOqblM take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMatrix31 Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry to hear it, bud. Hope you guys are holding up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom webster Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for your loss, Free. My in-laws are still with us but my mother in law has battled lung cancer since we were married. I know what the ups and downs of her battle do to my wife. My thoughts today will be with you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleven Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry, freeman. Keep your chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbochan Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R_Dudley Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 My condolances N and prayers go out to you and your family especially your wife. My f-i-l long since passed before I met my wife but I have recently lost a golfing friend from work. For me it served as a good reminder that no one gets out alive and to not take life, family and friends and all it presents for granted. Take care friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DR HOLLIDAY Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for your loss man. May he RIP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderbread Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for your loss free. I'll pray for you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spndnchz Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Condolences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PASabreFan Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry to hear the bad news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bmwolf21 Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry for your loss, n. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taro T Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 n, Sorry to read about your FiL's passing. You and your family have my sincerest condolences. Don't really have anything to add from my FiL's passing except it'll be much harder on your wife (well, thanks for that captain obvious :wallbash: ); be there for her. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampD Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry to hear of your loss. My only advice is don't let your wife (and her family) forget to eat. I always wondered why people brought food over to the family of someone who has passed. When my Fil died, their house was filled with a big extended Irish family, and the last thing on anyone's mind was cooking and eating meals. My only job the whole week was taking the dishes that someone had dropped of and making sure the family ate when they needed to. It sounds silly, but having that to do probably helped me deal with the loss as much as it helped them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
korab rules Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Nfreeman -sorry for your loss. To respond to your question: My wife lost her mother 3 years ago. Now, the relationship between a daughter and her mother is different than between a father and daughter, but I am sure it will be no less traumatic. For guys, I think we grieve initially, but recover and move on. As time passes, we get to a point where the wound heals. I'm not sure the wound ever heals for women. My wife is a very strong woman, but three years later, a conversation or a memory can still bring tears. The anniversary of the death, birthdays, holidays and other important dates all rip the scab off. Initially, I think women are tougher than men - the whole caretaking thing kicks in, and they are strong for everyone else. The worst part is when the services are done and the family leaves and they are left alone with the memories. That's when she will finally let her guard down and the grieving will start. Write down the date of your FIL's death now, and put it as a recurring appt on your personal calendar, with a reminder a week ahead of time. It is now as important a date for you as her birthday and your anniversary. It took me two years to do this, and wish I had done it sooner so I would have known why she was so touchy. As others have said, just be there and keep your mouth shut. Just your presence will be a comfort. On the anniversary of your FIL's death, acknowledge that you are aware of it and that you are thinking of her. Just the acknowledgment and remembrance will be a comfort to her; knowing that she is not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 My father-in-law was 73 and in relatively good health, but he collapsed today with a heart attack and passed away quickly. I had my differences with him, but he was a good guy. He raised 4 kids, who all turned out pretty well, and he stayed married to my borderline insane mother-in-law for 49 years. He coached his kids' sports teams, he helped them move in and out of school and various post-college apartments for at least 15 years, and he mortgaged his house to put them through college. He wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. As a Boston College alumnus -- the first member of his family to graduate from college -- he was a huge BC football fan. He was a season-ticket holder and still dragged my mother-in-law to 4 or 5 games a year. His all-time favorite BC alum was Doug Flutie. When Flutie had his great year with the Bills, he made the cover of SI, and I got it framed for my father-in-law for xmas that year. It's been on his TV room wall since then. He also loved the Red Sox. He read every word of the sports page -- good luck getting your hands on that anytime before lunchtime at their house. I met him in 1991, so I knew him for 20 years. I didn't think of him as one of my parents, but I do feel a real loss. I especially feel for my wife, who is hurting. As I said, he wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. He would have appreciated that amazing game tonight -- and I couldn't help thinking, when Gerbe, the BC hero, delivered in the shootout, that Denny was smiling somewhere. Sorry if this is too personal. Since I think there are a fair number of married guys around my age here, I was just wondering what others' experiences in losing an in-law have been like. Thanks for listening. Sorry for your loss, If you thought enough of him to write that, I think giving yourself full permission to greive him is important. 20 years is a lot of history together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That Aud Smell Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Write down the date of your FIL's death now, and put it as a recurring appt on your personal calendar, with a reminder a week ahead of time. It is now as important a date for you as her birthday and your anniversary. great advice. good man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob_sauve28 Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 My father-in-law was 73 and in relatively good health, but he collapsed today with a heart attack and passed away quickly. I had my differences with him, but he was a good guy. He raised 4 kids, who all turned out pretty well, and he stayed married to my borderline insane mother-in-law for 49 years. He coached his kids' sports teams, he helped them move in and out of school and various post-college apartments for at least 15 years, and he mortgaged his house to put them through college. He wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. As a Boston College alumnus -- the first member of his family to graduate from college -- he was a huge BC football fan. He was a season-ticket holder and still dragged my mother-in-law to 4 or 5 games a year. His all-time favorite BC alum was Doug Flutie. When Flutie had his great year with the Bills, he made the cover of SI, and I got it framed for my father-in-law for xmas that year. It's been on his TV room wall since then. He also loved the Red Sox. He read every word of the sports page -- good luck getting your hands on that anytime before lunchtime at their house. I met him in 1991, so I knew him for 20 years. I didn't think of him as one of my parents, but I do feel a real loss. I especially feel for my wife, who is hurting. As I said, he wasn't a hockey fan, but he was a sports fan. He would have appreciated that amazing game tonight -- and I couldn't help thinking, when Gerbe, the BC hero, delivered in the shootout, that Denny was smiling somewhere. Sorry if this is too personal. Since I think there are a fair number of married guys around my age here, I was just wondering what others' experiences in losing an in-law have been like. Thanks for listening. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you and your family gain strength from this and it makes you all come together and be closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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