OT - RBF

[Sabres Fan in NS]

News flash ... this resting bitchy face thing is made up.

 

That's not to say that your expression is not one that would be described as such.

 

The chicken head guy may be on to something that your expression is a part of your whole look that may be an issue with some.

 

Now Ink, I have an inclination since you said that you do not recognise that you have this expression and it belies what you really feel ... you, my friend, are a highly functioning, but enough so that it impacts your life, at least work life, but if you were to really ask your wife and close friends they would tell you that it impacts your non-work life as well ... sorry for the run on there ... a highly functioning autistic.  Of course, this is only my opinion and I am not a doctor, but I do know a thing or two about this subject, as I was diagnosed in 2005 as exactly that.

[MattPie]

On a related note, Case #6 in our annual ethics training today was essentially, "gigantic, bald, tattooed guy at work gets harassed because he turned in the previous manager for cutting corners. And, he's scary."

[That Aud Smell]

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it. 

 

<snip>

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.

 

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

Well this is the crux of the issue. I've been here 18 years. The people making these decisions I hardly interact with. They don't know me, they just see the RBF, bald tattooed middle aged mofo and assume a bad disposition. I have no one to blame but myself (and maybe my parents) for my situation. I made this bed, knowingly or not, and now I need to sleep in it.

 

There's still time to change the road you're on.

 

Led Zeppelin taught me that.

 

Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.

And I'll add: I have avoided Stairway for years (decades) because of its having been over-played. Listening to it now. Effing good song (copyright infringement claims notwithstanding).

[dudacek]

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

 

 

There's still time to change the road you're on.

 

Led Zeppelin taught me that.

 

Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.

I wouldn't be alarmed.

[Sabres Fan in NS]

I wouldn't be alarmed.

 

It's probably just a spring clean.

[Randall Flagg]

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

 

There's still time to change the road you're on.

 

Led Zeppelin taught me that.

 

Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.

And I'll add: I have avoided Stairway for years (decades) because of its having been over-played. Listening to it now. Effing good song (copyright infringement claims notwithstanding).

I've got a 3 year streak going of not hearing it once, and there was a time where I intentionally listened to it every day for years. 

 

Copyright issues from blues-based artists don't bother me even a little bit.

[Assquatch]

I've found that upper management wants subordinates to be perceived as cheery yes-men while being perceived as miserable themselves. The solution to this is to take that position with another company where the deck's not already stacked against you (assuming you can twinkly-eyed smile your way through the hiring process).

[sabills]

I don't have anything really insightful to say, but did you take that picture in a dentist's chair?

[Sabre fan]

have you in the past been depressed or negative? Since my heart attack and all the bad crap I have been through people tell me I look tired or like crap even when I think I feel pretty good. I think we wear things from our past whether we know or like it...

[Doohickie]

It's probably just a spring clean.

 

For the May Queen.

[Sabres Fan in NS]

For the May Queen.

 

Nope, Freddie ...

 

:flirt:

[Sabre fan]

Two paths...I can go by...I think there is still time to change the one I'm on

[dudacek]

Some of the posts on this thread make me wonder.

I mean, they really make me wonder.

[R_Dudley]

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it.  Your look maybe actually intimidating to some people.  They're afraid of you maybe.  Or perhaps it connotes "defiant non-conformist" when they'd like to see "cooperative team player."  You have a right to look how you want, but there's no denying that looks will affect others' perceptions of you.  Maybe in your social circles "defiant" is taken as a positive, so you have to decide whether you're going to follow your social pack or your work pack.

 

You may feel that your look is part of you, and it's only skin deep and they shouldn't penalize you for it, but you may look at it the other way around.  If looks are only skin deep, adopt a look that's more conventional in your corporate culture- grow out your hair and get a traditional haircut; Keep the beard professionally trimmed, etc.  It won't change who you are inside, but it may alter others' perception of you.  For those who may be skeptical that your defiant mojo isn't what they're looking for, it will communicate to them that you've made a conscious decision to adopt the norms of their "pack"; they'll perceive that you're supportive of the corporate ideals (or their version of it).

 

I work for a large corporation, and for as much as they like to think they are inclusive and embrace diversity, there's a certain "look" that populates org charts at the higher levels.  They all look like they've been to charm school; they all look like they get regular haircuts; they all look pretty boring.  It may be RBF, but it could also be that upper management doesn't think you have the look that management should have.  You may have t choose between your freedom of personal expression and corporate advancement.

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.

This is where I was going to go except briefer and less eloquent. 

 

The current look beard, goatee and shaved head does have a Biker / Neo-Nazi connotation good bad or different

[inkman]

I don't have anything really insightful to say, but did you take that picture in a dentist's chair?

Indeed. We've called me on it a while back.

This is where I was going to go except briefer and less eloquent.

 

The current look beard, goatee and shaved head does have a Biker / Neo-Nazi connotation good bad or different

Yeah and photos from my brothers wedding have me questioning myself. Granted, I'm 12-15 years older than everyone else that was in the wedding party but man did I look like crap. Just old, tired, burnt. I wonder if a lifestyle change is in order. I started smoking weed daily in the last year mostly to help me sleep but I'm curious if that along with an extremely long history of drinking and smoking has made me look like a dirty dish towel. Edited July 13, 2017 by inkman

[qwksndmonster]

I think you have a Resplendent, Beautiful Face.

[inkman]

I think you have a Resplendent, Beautiful Face.

Thanks if things don't work out with my wife, I'll shoot you a PM. :WUB:

[ubkev]

Ink, I got passed over for promotion for the first year and a half at my company. I didn't play the game. It's a happy go lucky company, with all that rah, rah bullsh!t from HR. I came in, I killed it at my job and I was better than 95% of my peers. But I didn't "look like I was having fun" Well no sh!t, Sherlock! I'm at work! If I didn't have to be here to pay for things, I wouldn't be!

 

Anyway, when a complete head of a colleague got promoted to a spot that should have easily been mine, I had a minor meltdown. I swallowed all my pride and then I sold my soul to these chipper, "Hey, how are ya! Isn't it a beautiful day to be alive" people. Fast forward to 7 years at the company. I've been promoted 4 times because I can fake it so hard in an interview that my own mother wouldn't recognize me.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if corporations recognized who is smarter and better equipped to handle situations based on actual merit than me having to fake being happy in my current situation? I still kick ass at my job and get nothing but positive reviews from my bosses. But now HR likes me.

 

If HR knew their from their elbow, I'd marbles.

Edited July 13, 2017 by ubkev

[Weave]

Indeed. We've called me on it a while back.

 

 

LOL I don't recall that.  I'm sure I meant it in the nicest way.  :P

[bunomatic]

 you look fine in your avatar

[Doohickie]

This is a good point.

 

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

Thanks for the feedback on that.  I almost didn't post that post; I was afraid it wouldn't be taken in the proper spirit.  I meant no ill will toward inky and his look and hoped no one would see it as a knock against him.  He's a righteous dude.

Nope, Freddie ...

 

:flirt:

 

Nice.

Thanks if things don't work out with my wife, I'll shoot you a PM. :wub:

 

A perfect response.

[Wyldnwoody44]

I will say, In medicine, looks unfortunately go a lot further than capabilities, it's rather sexist and sad, but I digress....

 

Just be you ink, and F the upper management, I mean you can tweak some small things to make your perception skewed in the right direction, but it doesn't have to be major.

[TheAud]

Indeed. We've called me on it a while back.

Yeah and photos from my brothers wedding have me questioning myself. Granted, I'm 12-15 years older than everyone else that was in the wedding party but man did I look like crap. Just old, tired, burnt. I wonder if a lifestyle change is in order. I started smoking weed daily in the last year mostly to help me sleep but I'm curious if that along with an extremely long history of drinking and smoking has made me look like a dirty dish towel.

I can't speak to your situation, only mine. 

I stopped drinking 6 years ago. It's fair to say that my aging processes, both my face and body, have significantly slowed. I had started looking older than I really was. Now, my actual age might be catching up to my appearance age, which is a good thing. This is not me saying "quit drinking". Far from it. It's just an observation that there is no way my 25 year drinking career helped me to appear a happier, healthier person. 

 

Sleep is so important in looking and feeling happy, healthy, etc. Also from own observation of my life, when I have needed substances to help me sleep (alcohol, xanax, ambien...) for anything other than short term severe jet lag (which is a fundamentally unnatural process anyway) it's indicative of deeper 'problems' in my life or lifestyle that need to be corrected to enable a good night's sleep without any substances required. Examples for me have been; excess alcohol intake, excess coffee intake, lack of exercise, excess un-managed stress, etc. Attacking those root cause issues have been high leverage activities that actually improved my life whereas an Ambien every night was really a short term band-aid that didn't really help me long term and started to hurt me after a while. 

 

Best of luck at work...companies make decisions for the wrong reasons all the time. It sucks. Sounds like you need to either change your employer, change your approach to work, or both. Otherwise this sh*t will just keep happening. 

[That Aud Smell]

There's some effin' good advice up in here, really.

 

And that's no small trick. Most advice sucks.

[3putt]

I am reluctant to give advice to strangers on subjects that are very personal, but I would cut yourself some slack.  Part of your anxiety stems from the fact that this professional goal was important to you for whatever reason, maybe family or whatever, but it is much more mainstream than you think.  You are soliciting advice.  Another good step.  If you think maybe a course correction is needed, you again are probably in the majority.  Do positive things to make you feel good about you.  Maybe some exercise, more time with Mrs and little Ink volunteering with something your passionate about.  Feel good about yourself and the positivity will extend to others because they won't matter as much.  Your insight here on the board shows you bring a unique point of view that is often well thought out and seldom reactionary or hasty.  That is the grail of management. Next time you are asked something at work, pause, feign momentary reflection, and start your response with "That's an interesting question."  Acknowledging others may help assauge their idea that you do not want to be part of the team.  If that fails you may need to find someplace that values your gifts more appropriately.  Good luck and keep your powder dry.