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Off Topic: Vacationing/holidays with extended family??


Mike Honcho
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My wife and I had a very interesting conversation this morning. Her cousin emailed her and all of her siblings and their families to see about everyone having a giant group vacation in the south this year. 

Basically like a huge family vacation, including spouses/children, boyfriends/girlfriends etc. 

 

My wife and I were talking about this and neither of us want to go to this and declined the invitation. My wife gets 2 weeks vacation per year and wants to do a vacation with just her and me (we dont have children)

I didnt want to go because i generally hate almost everyone in her entire family and having to do a vacation with them seems more like hell than a vacation. However, it got me thinking, would i want to do this if it was my family and not hers?  I thought about it and realized, i would not want to do this at all. 

If we are on vacation, we want to be able to do what we want, not what everyone else wants. In fact, we realized that even during holidays we dont really want to see anyone either. I always say when my mother dies, i would never see anyone from my family again.

my wife thinks this is abnormal to not want to spend time with family, i think its normal. Do you guys enjoy spending time with extended family?  would you want to go to a big group family vacation. the thought of it makes me cringe

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1 hour ago, Mike Honcho said:

My wife and I had a very interesting conversation this morning. Her cousin emailed her and all of her siblings and their families to see about everyone having a giant group vacation in the south this year. 

Basically like a huge family vacation, including spouses/children, boyfriends/girlfriends etc. 

 

My wife and I were talking about this and neither of us want to go to this and declined the invitation. My wife gets 2 weeks vacation per year and wants to do a vacation with just her and me (we dont have children)

I didnt want to go because i generally hate almost everyone in her entire family and having to do a vacation with them seems more like hell than a vacation. However, it got me thinking, would i want to do this if it was my family and not hers?  I thought about it and realized, i would not want to do this at all. 

If we are on vacation, we want to be able to do what we want, not what everyone else wants. In fact, we realized that even during holidays we dont really want to see anyone either. I always say when my mother dies, i would never see anyone from my family again.

my wife thinks this is abnormal to not want to spend time with family, i think its normal. Do you guys enjoy spending time with extended family?  would you want to go to a big group family vacation. the thought of it makes me cringe

I'm just like you...but I wouldn't turn down a family vacation.

Life is too short, the opportunity to make those memories only comes around every so often.

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9 minutes ago, OhMyDahlin said:

I'm just like you...but I wouldn't turn down a family vacation.

Life is too short, the opportunity to make those memories only comes around every so often.

Interesting. I was going to say that life is too short to waste vacations on family.

 

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I will add about 10 years ago we did this vacation thing similar to this and afterwards our sister in law complained that we spent too much time swimming in the lake and not enough family time talking. The vacation was not how she wanted it 

 

I think maybe she didn't spend enough time swimming and maybe she should have made more of an effort to spend the time with us. It was 100 degrees and the ac in the house was terrible. Of course we are going to swim just to stay cool

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I've done both, I've vacationed in the OBX in a big house with all sorts of different people and it can be fine, or it can be crappy.  It depends on the dynamics of everyone involved.  Some years the mix was good and it was fine, some years it really sucked.  It also helps to be able to define the boundaries for yourself in advance.  I had to set some ground rules with my mother and sister when I felt like they were getting nuts with planning stuff during the vacation and I had to tell them this is my vacation too and this is how I want to spend my time.  You guys do whatever you want. I will do whatever I want and if there is overlap good, if not you go have whatever fun you want and I'll have my own fun. Once I did that it was much smoother and we've vacationed together many other times.  This year, we aren't doing that trip and I'm going out west with just my wife and kids and I think some feelings were hurt that we didn't go on the family trip but I think they also understand that I only have 3 more summers with my oldest son before he goes to college and we have some things we all want to do together also.

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We do a whole fam damily trip every few years. Usually around 16 people. We found the best way to do it is a cruise. I personally hate cruising but it’s a great way to see a lot of things and have a place to retreat (your cabin).  At shore, each family decides what they are going to do. Sometimes our kids will go with their aunt or uncle and sometimes we will take their kids. But it’s understood that we do not have to do things together. We try to do dinner every night together. Seems to work well and the kids usually get to see some educational stuff. 

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3 hours ago, Mike Honcho said:

My wife and I had a very interesting conversation this morning. Her cousin emailed her and all of her siblings and their families to see about everyone having a giant group vacation in the south this year. 

Basically like a huge family vacation, including spouses/children, boyfriends/girlfriends etc. 

 

My wife and I were talking about this and neither of us want to go to this and declined the invitation. My wife gets 2 weeks vacation per year and wants to do a vacation with just her and me (we dont have children)

I didnt want to go because i generally hate almost everyone in her entire family and having to do a vacation with them seems more like hell than a vacation. However, it got me thinking, would i want to do this if it was my family and not hers?  I thought about it and realized, i would not want to do this at all. 

If we are on vacation, we want to be able to do what we want, not what everyone else wants. In fact, we realized that even during holidays we dont really want to see anyone either. I always say when my mother dies, i would never see anyone from my family again.

my wife thinks this is abnormal to not want to spend time with family, i think its normal. Do you guys enjoy spending time with extended family?  would you want to go to a big group family vacation. the thought of it makes me cringe

I don’t think it’s abnormal to not want to spend time with extended family on vacation.  If I look at it from her point of view this might actually be a good time though.  It’s a chance to catch up with people that maybe you don’t get to see often.  At the end of the day it’s happy wife, happy life.  

BTW I’m on your side.  Just throwing my two cents in.

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We do a family vacation every year and frankly we all look forward to it.  The key is planning time together and apart.  In our group of 13 we have beach goers, golfers, readers, pool goers, etc.  Everyone tends to do the activities they want and we all get together as a group for dinner.  We rent 3 condos, one per family, and always have a great time.  It’s usually a pretty good balance of group fun vs individual fun.  

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I have had nothing to do with my family of birth for over 10 years.  My wife has very little contact with any of her family (only her mother who is dimented now and only because my wife wants to).

I think we are the sane ones and all you 'family people' are the crazy ones, but if you are in a loving (real loving) family that would be great.  I never had that.

Since we moved to NS over 20 years ago a very nice lady that lives on the street that we used to until our recent move basically is the mother I never had.  I am the son she never had (literally ... she never married and has no children).

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If my family lived that far away they would probably never see me.

My wife's sister lives 11 hours away.  I only see her sister's family when they visit here (her parents are in Rochester).

If I had only 2 weeks of vacation I can almost assuredly bet I would not be using it on that purpose unless there was some incredible milestone associated with it.  If I didn't like them (and I don't really like my sister-in-law's family) I wouldn't even do it then.

 

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I guess it all depends on how extended the family is/are, what daily activities were available and for how long. If you for the most part get along together or rarely see each other it can be a good experience, if you have different activities that everyone can pick and choose it could work, if it's like my father-in-law says on family visits are like dead fish... after 3-4 days it starts to stink keep it to a 3 day weekend activity.

My last family vacation was on an Alaskan cruise, we all chose our activities for the day/s and the only formal get together was when we met up somewhere and for dinner. It was a blast, everyone had a good time and no-one was around each other long enough to get into an argument. It was confined to our kids, their spouses and kids, we live in 3 different cities so it worked out fine. Then again if my brother was involved it probably wouldn't have worked out. Everyone is the same and different all at the same time.

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I'm currently working on a pretty epic road trip as we speak, I've driven 2700 miles through Colorado and New Mexico in the last 8 days, hit all 5 National Parks in the area.... What I see are people on vacation with extended family; and clearly not enjoying themselves 😂😂 

You can always make time for family, but keep your vacations for what you and your signifgant other want to do together. 

I'm a bit biased as travel to me is the mecca of what I want to accomplish in life, so I do prioritize that heavily, but I couldn't imagine using that time to be unhappy. 

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On 6/17/2021 at 9:12 AM, Mike Honcho said:

My wife and I had a very interesting conversation this morning. Her cousin emailed her and all of her siblings and their families to see about everyone having a giant group vacation in the south this year. 

Basically like a huge family vacation, including spouses/children, boyfriends/girlfriends etc. 

 

My wife and I were talking about this and neither of us want to go to this and declined the invitation. My wife gets 2 weeks vacation per year and wants to do a vacation with just her and me (we dont have children)

I didnt want to go because i generally hate almost everyone in her entire family and having to do a vacation with them seems more like hell than a vacation. However, it got me thinking, would i want to do this if it was my family and not hers?  I thought about it and realized, i would not want to do this at all. 

If we are on vacation, we want to be able to do what we want, not what everyone else wants. In fact, we realized that even during holidays we dont really want to see anyone either. I always say when my mother dies, i would never see anyone from my family again.

my wife thinks this is abnormal to not want to spend time with family, i think its normal. Do you guys enjoy spending time with extended family?  would you want to go to a big group family vacation. the thought of it makes me cringe

We have trouble trying to decide where to eat.  I can't imagine trying to decide what to do with an extended family on a limited time vacation.

 

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On 6/17/2021 at 7:12 AM, Mike Honcho said:

My wife and I had a very interesting conversation this morning. Her cousin emailed her and all of her siblings and their families to see about everyone having a giant group vacation in the south this year. 

Basically like a huge family vacation, including spouses/children, boyfriends/girlfriends etc. 

 

My wife and I were talking about this and neither of us want to go to this and declined the invitation. My wife gets 2 weeks vacation per year and wants to do a vacation with just her and me (we dont have children)

I didnt want to go because i generally hate almost everyone in her entire family and having to do a vacation with them seems more like hell than a vacation. However, it got me thinking, would i want to do this if it was my family and not hers?  I thought about it and realized, i would not want to do this at all. 

If we are on vacation, we want to be able to do what we want, not what everyone else wants. In fact, we realized that even during holidays we dont really want to see anyone either. I always say when my mother dies, i would never see anyone from my family again.

my wife thinks this is abnormal to not want to spend time with family, i think its normal. Do you guys enjoy spending time with extended family?  would you want to go to a big group family vacation. the thought of it makes me cringe

Florida/Disney with cousins and their children.  But we love their company.  Hawaii with my brother and parents.  Napa, Vegas, Grand Canyon with my parents, who are extremely generous and loving grandparents.  Would never consider vacationing with any of my wife’s family.  Simply because we have nothing in common. I have 6 weeks a year and feel this way.  If I only had two weeks, the decision would be that much easier. 

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