(OT) Scoping the Colon: The Reaming of PASabreFan

[PASabreFan]

Next Friday morning, some guy will do what countless of you have always wanted to do: knock me the ###### out and jam an object up my ass.

 

Then, in October, I'll have my first colonoscopy...

 

I kid.

 

I'm not having any problems. But in early 2009, my brother died of colon cancer at 54. I was 42 at the time, two years past the age your first colonoscopy is recommended if a sibling of yours has colon cancer.

 

So I am a stupid, stupid man. I can't say exactly why I've put it off. I'm not afraid of having it done. Maybe I've been a bit neurotic about finding out that something's wrong. Makes no sense, I know.

 

Anyway, colonoscopy stories, jokes, advice, fears, etc. are welcome.

 

If I can convince just one other fellow neurotic poster to come along for the ride of their lives, my job will be done here.

[Taro T]

Next Friday morning, some guy will do what countless of you have always wanted to do: knock me the ###### out and jam an object up my ass.

 

Then, in October, I'll have my first colonoscopy...

 

I kid.

 

I'm not having any problems. But in early 2009, my brother died of colon cancer at 54. I was 42 at the time, two years past the age your first colonoscopy is recommended if a sibling of yours has colon cancer.

 

So I am a stupid, stupid man. I can't say exactly why I've put it off. I'm not afraid of having it done. Maybe I've been a bit neurotic about finding out that something's wrong. Makes no sense, I know.

 

Anyway, colonoscopy stories, jokes, advice, fears, etc. are welcome.

 

If I can convince just one other fellow neurotic poster to come along for the ride of their lives, my job will be done here.

 

When you start taking the saline solution the day/night before, don't make any plans that involve being more than 10 ft from your toilet.

[PASabreFan]

When you start taking the saline solution the day/night before, don't make any plans that involve being more than 10 ft from your toilet.

 

Yes. I actually have to be at an eye appointment at the Cleveland Clinic at 7:30 a.m. on the day before. I'm to start my prep at noon. There is *no* way I'm going to risk starting the prep before I hit the road, or while on the road, even though it probably takes a while to kick in.

 

I started looking for videos. There's one of Katie Couric getting hers. Then I happened on the following. This is the most disturbing first 10 seconds of any colonoscopy video. The woman, the accent… the utensils.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwjaARY5L1k

Edited August 28, 2014 by PASabreFan

[G-Daddy]

 

 

When you start taking the saline solution the day/night before, don't make any plans that involve being more than 10 ft from your toilet.

 

This!!! Keep the path to the crapper clear and have plenty of charmin. The night before is much worse than actual procedure. But the propofal is great stuff. Best wishes!

[Taro T]

 

 

Yes. I actually have to be at an eye appointment at the Cleveland Clinic at 7:30 a.m. on the day before. I'm to start my prep at noon. There is *no* way I'm going to risk starting the prep before I hit the road, or while on the road, even though it probably takes a while to kick in.

 

I started looking for videos. There's one of Katie Couric getting hers. Then I happened on the following. This is the most disturbing first 10 seconds of any colonoscopy video. The woman, the accent… the utensils.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwjaARY5L1k

If you consider 70 seconds or so to "be a while," then yes, it will take a while for it to kick in.

[biodork]

Good luck, man. Both of my maternal grandmothers died of colon cancer, and my mom is now around the age when her mother was diagnosed. It's no fun, but far better to catch it early than late. And afterwards you'll finally be able to fit into those skinny jeans again! ;)

[nfreeman]

Boy, we are really plumbing the depths here.

 

heh.

[Ghost of Dwight Drane]

[DR HOLLIDAY]

I hope Gilbert Perreault crushes out a cigarette on your forehead while your getting scoped……..But other then that good luck….. :beer:

[PASabreFan]

Is that the noise that will emanate from my bowels during prep?

 

Good luck, man. Both of my maternal grandmothers died of colon cancer, and my mom is now around the age when her mother was diagnosed. It's no fun, but far better to catch it early than late. And afterwards you'll finally be able to fit into those skinny jeans again! ;)

 

Comedian Billy Connolly did a great bit about his colonoscopy prep. He said to himself near the end of the torrent that he was going to end up the size of a walnut.

[SwampD]

I had my first when I was 30. I just "knew" something was wrong and wanted to get one. Had to change doctors in order to get one because my first doctor, after I gave him the full history of cancer running in my family and why I wanted one, actually said,"well, everyone has to die of something." See ya, Dick. They ended up finding something right where I "knew" they would. It's now 15 years later, I've already had one this year and I couldn't tell you how many I had in total (I think it's 4, maybe 5).

 

Here's my take from a couple of years ago.

http://forums.sabrespace.com/topic/13105-complaint-thursdays/page__st__6240#entry346217

 

Probably the most important thing to remember is that no matter what your doctor says about you being covered by insurance, even if he's in your plan and the hospital or medical center is in your plan, you will receive a bill from your anesthesiologist. It will be for a lot and you will be angry. I don't know why they charge so much or why insurance doesn't cover them, but I truly believe they are all a bunch money grubbing douchbags and they can all go screw.

[mphs mike]

The night before is SOOOOOOOOO bad, I was shocked that on the way home the next morning I felt great and enjoyed a nice lunch with my wife. NO after effects at all!

Frankly, the jokes are simply part of it -you can look forward to having your doctor report that you are a perfect a$$-ole"

[grinreaper]

Next Friday morning, some guy will do what countless of you have always wanted to do: knock me the ###### out and jam an object up my ass.

 

Then, in October, I'll have my first colonoscopy...

 

I kid.

 

I'm not having any problems. But in early 2009, my brother died of colon cancer at 54. I was 42 at the time, two years past the age your first colonoscopy is recommended if a sibling of yours has colon cancer.

 

So I am a stupid, stupid man. I can't say exactly why I've put it off. I'm not afraid of having it done. Maybe I've been a bit neurotic about finding out that something's wrong. Makes no sense, I know.

 

Anyway, colonoscopy stories, jokes, advice, fears, etc. are welcome.

 

If I can convince just one other fellow neurotic poster to come along for the ride of their lives, my job will be done here.

 

I find the "ride of their lives" and colonoscopy in the same sentence sort of gay, if you know what I mean..

[PASabreFan]

The night before is SOOOOOOOOO bad, I was shocked that on the way home the next morning I felt great and enjoyed a nice lunch with my wife. NO after effects at all!

Frankly, the jokes are simply part of it -you can look forward to having your doctor report that you are a perfect a$$-ole"

 

My doctor builds and sails (?) model battleships, in mock battles. No, really, it's an actual competition, with people who travel around and do it. I have a good battleship joke at the ready — if I am coherent enough to deliver it.

 

So I'm thinking during the prep I could watch a game from last season. Any recommendations?

[biodork]

My doctor builds and sails (?) model battleships, in mock battles. No, really, it's an actual competition, with people who travel around and do it. I have a good battleship joke at the ready — if I am coherent enough to deliver it.

 

So I'm thinking during the prep I could watch a game from last season. Any recommendations?

 

Don't you want to watch something to make yourself LESS miserable? :P

[Darryl Shannon's +/-]

Only advice I've heard is to make the bathroom an entertainment room the night before the main event. Have netflix or something like that at the ready, and try to stay comfortable on the throne.

[Claude_Verret]

Child's play. Getting the roto- rooter up the ding ###### multiple times has scarred me for life.

 

Lol d.o.n.g gets filtered.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Claude_Verret

[Huckleberry]

Boy, we are really plumbing the depths here.

 

heh.

:clapping: :clapping:

[That Aud Smell]

I've not undergone a full colonscope, but I've had something less intrusive -- what was it -- an endoscope? If my experience is any indicator, the recovery room where all the -scope dudes (it was all dudes when I was in) go before being released is a hilarious and entertaining symphony of (odorless) farts that are passed as the air leaves the inner paths that the -scopes had to travel.

 

Note to self: The Symphony of Odorless Farts will be the title track for the 22-minute opus (broken down into multiple suites) that will occupy the entirety of side 2 of my prog rock band's debut album.

[PASabreFan]

I've not undergone a full colonscope, but I've had something less intrusive -- what was it -- an endoscope? If my experience is any indicator, the recovery room where all the -scope dudes (it was all dudes when I was in) go before being released is a hilarious and entertaining symphony of (odorless) farts that are passed as the air leaves the inner paths that the -scopes had to travel.

 

Note to self: The Symphony of Odorless Farts will be the title track for the 22-minute opus (broken down into multiple suites) that will occupy the entirety of side 2 of my prog rock band's debut album.

 

I saw Ess Oh Eff at Artpark. Fabulous.

[PASabreFan]

Child's play. Getting the roto- rooter up the ding ###### multiple times has scarred me for life.

 

Lol d.o.n.g gets filtered.

 

Ding ###### the witch is dead? No?

 

Wow, Claude, sorry. Prostate surgery?

[Claude_Verret]

Ding ###### the witch is dead? No?

 

Wow, Claude, sorry. Prostate surgery?

 

No I was in the ER for multiple injuries and they wouldn't take me to surgery until I emptied my bladder, but the drugs they had me on rendered me incapable of emptying it myself. So as I laid there for what seemed like hours I finally heard my wife, the nurse practitioner, tell the ER nurse: "he'll never tell you that he can't go, just go ahead and cath him." So my own wife threw me under the bus. I had numerous follow up surgeries from that ordeal and ended up getting the roto rooter a few more times...it never got any easier.

 

As far as the colonoscopy, my grandfather died of colon cancer in his 70's and that is my only family member with a history. I've asked two different docs if I should have one, but they said I don't need it until I'm 50.

[PASabreFan]

No I was in the ER for multiple injuries and they wouldn't take me to surgery until I emptied my bladder, but the drugs they had me on rendered me incapable of emptying it myself. So as I laid there for what seemed like hours I finally heard my wife, the nurse practitioner, tell the ER nurse: "he'll never tell you that he can't go, just go ahead and cath him." So my own wife threw me under the bus. I had numerous follow up surgeries from that ordeal and ended up getting the roto rooter a few more times...it never got any easier.

 

As far as the colonoscopy, my grandfather died of colon cancer in his 70's and that is my only family member with a history. I've asked two different docs if I should have one, but they said I don't need it until I'm 50.

 

According to the ACS, it seems your doctors are right. (If you had a second "second-degree relative" with colon cancer, that would change things. This can get tricky when we don't know what some of our grandparents and aunts and uncles died of.)

 

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/colonandrectumcancer/moreinformation/colonandrectumcancerearlydetection/colorectal-cancer-early-detection-acs-recommendations

[LabattBlue]

I don't know how bad it used to be(I had mine done 5 or so years ago), but being able to mix the "magic potion" with gatorade made it tolerable. I just couldn't drink the last 6 or so oz., not because of the taste, just couldn't get it down. LOL.

 

The rest was a piece of cake seeing how you remember nothing!

Edited August 29, 2014 by LabattBlue

[Hank]

You may wipe yourself raw during the prep. Maybe during the worst of it you may want to stay in a hot shower and hose yourself off occasionally. I had one last December, no pain afterwards but I was pretty loopy and slept a good chunk of the day.