[OT] Divorce....

[wjag]

My Aunt is currently going through a pretty nasty divorce, and Facebook has come up a couple of time. Be very careful with what you use, and how you use it, and make sure to note how you came across it. It's all important in this day and and age.

 

If it were me, I would want those same two things as well. Best of luck man!

 

 

 

 

That's rough man, no one should have to go through that in my opinion. <_<

 

It astonishes me what people put on Facebook. And there is no convincing them to stop because it will come back to bite them eventually.

[Kevbeau]

It astonishes me what people put on Facebook. And there is no convincing them to stop because it will come back to bite them eventually.

 

We can usually eliminate a quarter the people we interview just by doing a quick google search (entry/lower level professional positions). I realize it may not be fair or even an accurate representation of how the person conducts themselves professionally, but all things being equal with candidates, I'll take the person who doesn't have pictures of them molesting a mannequin on the internet.

[biodork]

Well, now we have a whole new ballgame.... came home from work today and hopped on facebook, found she never logged out, and right in front of me is a chat conversation with a friend of hers, telling the friend of her new "long distance relationship" with a guy she reconnected with at her high school reunion. After I saw that I (naturally) did a little digging, and she's planning to fly back to FL to meet him where he's getting a hotel room for the two of them over the last weekend in August. Found a few more message streams talking about her "new storybook romance" and about how she'd like to move back to FL to be closer to him, but she knows I'd never let her. We aren't even legally separated yet, and we're still living together. I copied everything i could and sent them to my work email. I'm meeting with one lawyer tomorrow afternoon and another on Friday. I really don't care if she found someone, but it's just all the lies and schemes to make our divorce so smooth, while she's out setting up her new relationship. This also explains a lot about her late nights last week in her hometown, where this guy also lives. I wanted to keep it clean and civil, but now I don't think I can. She can have whatever she wants. I want my kid and my house.

 

OUCH.

 

Chil,,I know how it hurts,,went through the exact same thing. My wife's boyfriend even had the nerve to call on xmas eve and demand that I put her on the phone so he could wish her a Merry xmas. By the way my mother was in the hospital dying of cancer at the time. My mother passed 3 weeks later. I immediatly packed up and moved out. i still remember sitting on the couch hugging my 2 little girls, knowing that life would never be the same. Live for your child, put away the hate and move on.

 

Double ouch. I know it's not the same, but everything with my parents was going to hell up while my grandmother was dying of cancer and my dad was facing legal problems, so I can sympathize. Sorry for your loss, man.

 

We can usually eliminate a quarter the people we interview just by doing a quick google search (entry/lower level professional positions). I realize it may not be fair or even an accurate representation of how the person conducts themselves professionally, but all things being equal with candidates, I'll take the person who doesn't have pictures of them molesting a mannequin on the internet.

 

:clapping:

[chileanseabass]

We can usually eliminate a quarter the people we interview just by doing a quick google search (entry/lower level professional positions). I realize it may not be fair or even an accurate representation of how the person conducts themselves professionally, but all things being equal with candidates, I'll take the person who doesn't have pictures of them molesting a mannequin on the internet.

 

 

Totally agree. Can't tell you how many times we've been reviewing applicants and the first thing we do is search them on google and facebook. It's amazing what people will put out there.

 

To my wife's credit, she has no trace of any discussions with her new beau on facebook (they only text, and I have text records of over 1,000 texts between the two of them since 7/17), but bragging to friends about it and leaving it open for me to see? Big mistake.

[BetweenThePipes00]

Totally agree. Can't tell you how many times we've been reviewing applicants and the first thing we do is search them on google and facebook. It's amazing what people will put out there.

 

To my wife's credit, she has no trace of any discussions with her new beau on facebook (they only text, and I have text records of over 1,000 texts between the two of them since 7/17), but bragging to friends about it and leaving it open for me to see? Big mistake.

 

Over 1,000 in 11 days?!? If anyone texted me 100 times in a day I would kill myself. A 45-second conversation that takes 45 minutes to type with my thumbs is not worth my time. I know teh secrecy aspect is the thing in this case, but still ... after the first 500 texts i would be sick of anyone.

[R_Dudley]

Totally agree. Can't tell you how many times we've been reviewing applicants and the first thing we do is search them on google and facebook. It's amazing what people will put out there.

 

To my wife's credit, she has no trace of any discussions with her new beau on facebook (they only text, and I have text records of over 1,000 texts between the two of them since 7/17), but bragging to friends about it and leaving it open for me to see? Big mistake.

 

Big mistake No, Huge blessing Yes.

 

Why, because it has already changed your posts tone and mindset for the unpleasant road that lies ahead.

 

Now you know you cannot trust what your being told and whether she would move out of state. If you play her game and can stay civil with the information you could posture and position this to get primary custody because you have her and your sons best inetrest in mind, you have the home, she may want some extra freedom to take sometime to sort out her feelings and personal life, blah, blah. Later when she moves to chase the new exciting boyfriend you will have your son.

[spndnchz]

Being a bit on the legal side... don't show your cards yet. And make sure you have logged off of SabreSpace!

[DR HOLLIDAY]

Being a bit on the legal side... don't show your cards yet. And make sure you have logged off of SabreSpace!

 

Yeah that would get suck, getting burned by SabreSpare, of course you would become a legend if that were to happen.

[sabre4life]

To my wife's credit, she has no trace of any discussions with her new beau on facebook (they only text, and I have text records of over 1,000 texts between the two of them since 7/17), but bragging to friends about it and leaving it open for me to see? Big mistake.

 

Did you happen to think that maybe she wanted you to see that message? But know that the pendulum is leaning towards you now as she is conspiring to commit adultry.

Do as chz says and do not play these cards yet, notify your attorney only! no friends, MIL, and the like just your lawyer. Reading these three pages I knew after your second post she was being unfaithful. When a person is so adament about leaving there is usually someone behind the curtain.

 

I'm sorry, but it'll pass, stay out of the sea for awhile and re-connect with yourself and your child.

 

Good Luck.

 

note: If it was me, I would fight for full custody knowing there is a possibility she may leave the state.

[chileanseabass]

Well I met with a lawyer today who basically told me I didn't have much of a case. What a major effin letdown. I'm meeting with another one tomorrow afternoon, and look forward to what she has to say. Is there a way I could get Verizon to release the contents of her texts? I have no doubt they would do further damage to her case. The lawyer today told me that staying out late and sleeping around does nothing to prove an unfit parent. The only way I can prove that, is if she is leaving my son alone to go out, or having sex in front of him. I showed him the text record, with some going on for an hour or two straight while I'm at work and she's supposed to be watching our son. He said that would be a strike against her for sure, but not a very damaging one. I asked him what % chance he thought I had to win custody, and he said 50%.

 

If I hear the same thing tomorrow, I don't know what to do. She isn't planning on moving out until October, but I could confront her with what I know, and tell her to get out, tell her I met with two lawyers who said I had a great case and are chomping at the bit to work with me, and if we don't get the ball rolling now, then I will go for full custody? That's the only thing I can think of to push her hand. Then I could settle for joint custody, but making sure she can't go further than one hour from me without written permission. Then there's no running to Florida. I'd hate to settle for this, but after today I'm really worried there's no other options. Hire a PI for her trip with this new boyfriend? Then I could take her to task for adultery, but apparently it wouldn't effect the custody decision. ....sigh....

[Taro T]

Well I met with a lawyer today who basically told me I didn't have much of a case. What a major effin letdown. I'm meeting with another one tomorrow afternoon, and look forward to what she has to say. Is there a way I could get Verizon to release the contents of her texts? I have no doubt they would do further damage to her case. The lawyer today told me that staying out late and sleeping around does nothing to prove an unfit parent. The only way I can prove that, is if she is leaving my son alone to go out, or having sex in front of him. I showed him the text record, with some going on for an hour or two straight while I'm at work and she's supposed to be watching our son. He said that would be a strike against her for sure, but not a very damaging one. I asked him what % chance he thought I had to win custody, and he said 50%.

 

If I hear the same thing tomorrow, I don't know what to do. She isn't planning on moving out until October, but I could confront her with what I know, and tell her to get out, tell her I met with two lawyers who said I had a great case and are chomping at the bit to work with me, and if we don't get the ball rolling now, then I will go for full custody? That's the only thing I can think of to push her hand. Then I could settle for joint custody, but making sure she can't go further than one hour from me without written permission. Then there's no running to Florida. I'd hate to settle for this, but after today I'm really worried there's no other options. Hire a PI for her trip with this new boyfriend? Then I could take her to task for adultery, but apparently it wouldn't effect the custody decision. ....sigh....

CSB.

 

Sorry to 'hear' about your problems. Haven't gone through a divorce, so don't have much advice. The one bit that I would give you, in addition to all the good advice you've already received, is try to think through the negatives of any course of action you may pursue and be prepared for how to mitigate them.

[R_Dudley]

Well I met with a lawyer today who basically told me I didn't have much of a case.

 

The lawyer today told me that staying out late and sleeping around does nothing to prove an unfit parent. The only way I can prove that, is if she is leaving my son alone to go out, or having sex in front of him. I showed him the text record, with some going on for an hour or two straight while I'm at work and she's supposed to be watching our son. He said that would be a strike against her for sure, but not a very damaging one. I asked him what % chance he thought I had to win custody, and he said 50%.

 

If I hear the same thing tomorrow, I don't know what to do. She isn't planning on moving out until October, but I could confront her with what I know, and tell her to get out, tell her I met with two lawyers who said I had a great case and are chomping at the bit to work with me, and if we don't get the ball rolling now, then I will go for full custody? That's the only thing I can think of to push her hand. Then I could settle for joint custody, but making sure she can't go further than one hour from me without written permission. Then there's no running to Florida. I'd hate to settle for this, but after today I'm really worried there's no other options. Hire a PI for her trip with this new boyfriend? Then I could take her to task for adultery, but apparently it wouldn't effect the custody decision. ....sigh....

 

Really sucks man not much has changed in the 20+ years since I went though it. It is decidely in the womans favor as family courts still think the childs mother is best for custody by default if she decides to fight hard for it.

 

I know it would be hard almost impossible to do now that you know whats going on but if you could keep this to yourself and not confront her with it and play the nice guy angle worried about your son and the it's best to keep him in the home he knows and primary custody till he and she both to get settled with these changes of course allowing for the 50/50 visitation. You might just get her to bite on it especially since she's more focused on this new thing. If that fails you can always take the gloves off and let it out of the bag and start slugging it out then with the lawyers.

 

Regardless it will be very hard and take lots of medication to make it through refer to the OT whiskey thread for that advice. ;)

[Weave]

I doubt that anything good comes from pressing the adultery issue. If your lawyer suggests that you let that part be, listen to the lawyer.

 

Well, actually, right now the advice starts and finishes simply with, listen to the lawyers. Get a couple of opinions, choose an attorney, and do everything he/she says. Don't listen to a bunch of strangers on an internet forum.

 

Hopefully that bit of advice was unneeded.

[JohnRobertEichel]

CSB,

 

You should discuss the issue of your wife's potential bipolar disorder with your lawyer.

 

If she does, in fact, have this mental illness and is not properly seeking medication and behavioral therapy, that might be legitimate grounds for the court to lean in your favor.

 

I don't know how many of you guys on here have experience in dealing with untreated manic depressives, but these are NOT the kind of people you want raising kids.

[chileanseabass]

CSB,

 

You should discuss the issue of your wife's potential bipolar disorder with your lawyer.

 

If she does, in fact, have this mental illness and is not properly seeking medication and behavioral therapy, that might be legitimate grounds for the court to lean in your favor.

 

I don't know how many of you guys on here have experience in dealing with untreated manic depressives, but these are NOT the kind of people you want raising kids.

 

 

Told the lawyer about untreated mental problems/bi-polar, and he said it only matters if she has done or had talked about doing something to our son. He said beyond that, it doesn't matter.

[wingnut]

I hope the younger guys and girls on here got what should be the most important part of this whole discussion to them. If not, I'll paste it again here:

"serious demons from her past ... diagnosed ... with some bipolar tendencies and depression"

If one of my kids gets in a relationship with someone like this, I will throw hammers at their heads until they get out of it.

 

CSB, I'm sorry if this is harsh. I would have gladly thrown hammers at your head back when, given the chance. I married someone with similar issues many years ago. She's deceased now, and I'm raising two kids by myself. Good luck to you and the little one. You are going to find strength you never imagined you had.

[wjag]

I know it would be hard almost impossible to do now that you know whats going on but if you could keep this to yourself and not confront her with it and play the nice guy angle worried about your son and the it's best to keep him in the home he knows and primary custody till he and she both to get settled with these changes of course allowing for the 50/50 visitation.

 

Impressive sentence.. I was out of breath by the time I got to the period :-) Just 74 words... :thumbsup:

[shrader]

Have you considered talking to her mother about this? There seems to be some kind of connection there. She may not want to throw her daughter under the bus, but there is a kid involved, so you never know.

[korab rules]

Told the lawyer about untreated mental problems/bi-polar, and he said it only matters if she has done or had talked about doing something to our son. He said beyond that, it doesn't matter.

Talk to more lawyers. Untreated mental illness, especially one involving the manic phases of bipolar disorder, certainly reflects on one's fitness for custody. Untreated, it can cause someone to do unsafe things they wouldn't ordinarily do, which can place the child at risk. Find an attorney that understands this, and push for mental health evaluations as part of your divorce/custody case. If diagnosed, they will recommend treatment. The history of bipolar disorder says she will resist treatment and not consistently take her meds. You may not get full custody immediately, but if you play your cards rights and build your case brick by brick her disease and its manifestations will get the result you and your child need.

[Rico4Hall12]

One thing for sure, she cant move out of state with your kid, without your permission.

[Eleven]

One thing for sure, she cant move out of state with your kid, without your permission.

 

Not trying to be a jerk, but are you sure that's the state of the law in North Carolina? With all due respect, I think CSB should stick to taking legal advice from North Carolina lawyers who specialize in matrimonial and custody issues (like weave & korab have said/implied). As for the friendly advice that's throughout this thread, well, that's different. Always nice to see the support on this board when someone is going through a tough time.

 

Good luck, CSB; no offense, Rico.

[Rico4Hall12]

Not trying to be a jerk, but are you sure that's the state of the law in North Carolina? With all due respect, I think CSB should stick to taking legal advice from North Carolina lawyers who specialize in matrimonial and custody issues (like weave & korab have said/implied). As for the friendly advice that's throughout this thread, well, that's different. Always nice to see the support on this board when someone is going through a tough time.

 

Good luck, CSB; no offense, Rico.

I stand corrected,,The Court has the final say!!

[Supersabre]

I am sorry to hear about your situation for sure. But having gone through several divorces myself I am the last one that should be dispensing advice to anyone. I can tell you this much. There are never any winners in a divorce. The most important thing that you can do is to make sure that your children know that they are not the cause of the divorce and make them the focus of your continued attention and love. IMHO leave personal opinion about the other parent you may have in any course of conversation with your child/children out of the conversation.

 

I know this because this happened to me. It's not right but I wanted to be the exception to my children. Not the rule. Just my 2 cents worth take it or leave it.