ubkev

You made it all the way to today? Good for you dude!

Just get the safety and all will be well.

He's ***** dead

I wear a suit and tie 10 hours a day, every damn day. At least once a week, it's a three piece suit. When I'm at home I'm permanently in gym shorts, or sweatpants and a wife beater. Slippers or flip flops depending on temperature.

Fall Wine Festival. Lots and lots of wine, homemade wares with kitschy sayings, handmade soaps, CBD as far as the eye could see and so much vocal fry I thought my ears would bleed. Good times. I don't like wine, but good times!

It's either this or blind rage. I chose this.

It's finally autumn. That means it's time to make Lasagna. 11:15 am on a Tuesday. Glass of crappy red wine and my radio driving the stay at home neighbor crazy.

Another Keenum fumble. The bears defense is good, the skins o-line appears to be bad and Keenum seems to want to give the bears the ball.

Aaaand another pick for Keenum. Who's the Redskins backup? He is awful! Also, he's been hit on, I think, every single dropback.

I'd never been to Houston...

Great ball from Trubisky on that play. Better catch, but a great ball. Keenum was fun as hell in college though.

Case Keenum doesn't protect the ball for *****.

I work with 2 ***** who like The Voice. Ya know, that stupid karaoke TV? Anyway, they insist on showing me clips of it. I've told them numerous times that I don't care, so now I'm just rude about it. I'm pretty sure I'm the ***** in this situation. But I'm also positive that they are bigger *****. them: "Oh my God, you have to see how amazing this is!" me: "I'd change the song 10 times out of 10 if it was being played by the original artist. It sucked then, this sucks worse. Little kids singing sucks, your taste in entertainment sucks. I hate everything that comes out of your mouth. I told you all of this last week, why are you still talking to me?" me: "oh, ***** perfect! I hate The Voice in English, I'm sure it'll be much better in all French! You suck!" me: "Australian The Voice? ***** really? Where do you find this horse *****? Wait a minute, who's that skid row Boy George judging? That's the real Boy George? Wow, he doesn't look as bad as I thought he would." them: "well...I hope you enjoyed this little thing that brings me joy." me: "I didn't. Good day."

Just clearing out HIS yard.

He won't, he's a ratter. It's in his blood. Small critters don't stand a chance.

They were bred in Japan to hunt bear. They'll settle for freakin anything!

Yes I am young....and I will be forever!

7. It's the best number in sports. Dad and both older brothers wore 9. I'd have worn 9 but my buddy swiped it right before I could. Then I chose 7. All Star number from 9 years old til graduation. Doesn't matter what team sport.

The year is 1993: ubkev got a CD player for his 8th bday. The super youngins won't understand this but this is what we had to do 25 years ago... Got my BMG subscription. 15 CDs for the price of 1. I give my mom 15 bucks and I tear off 16 stamps( were the stamps Columbia House or BMG?) AC/DC live, Eddie Money - The Sound of Money, Scorpion's greatest hits, Wreckx-n-Effect - Hard or Smooth, Megadeth - Countdown to Extinction, The Cars - Greatest Hits... I was 8 years old in the early 90s and I cared about The Cars greatest hits album( my brothers are 10.5 and 6.5 years older than me). Loved it! Soooooooo many hits! Toe tappers! Sing alongs! RIP Ric Ocasek!

If it makes you feel any better, I used to go into a deep depression once baseball season was over because I knew for a fact that the bills and sabres would suck. I still hold both truths to be self evident and I have chosen to adhere to ambivalence ever since. I spend my winters chasing snow in the mountains rather than giving a hoot how bad the bills and sabres are. I say "how bad" instead of "how good" because we all know it's going to be bad. It has been for over a decade. More than a decade! Edit: response to my first sentence: I don't know why that would make you feel any better. Crappy figure of speech. It's *****. Makes me feel worse, but I like it. Drink. Bourbon.

A game in which they didn't score a TD, no less.

One of my dogs has the runs. No big deal, I think. Just frequent bathroom trips for him for a day or two. Anyway, I was just awoken by his panicked cries, letting me know he needs to go outside RIGHT NOW! Well, we made it on time. No accident in the house! ...just as he's finishing up, his brother scares up a rabbit and they both decide that 3am will be a good time for them to murder it. Well, now I have to chase 2 blood lusting Shiba Inus chasing a rabbit through the yard, just trying to intervene long enough to get the rabbit a fighting chance at getting through the fence. I failed. Johnny Utah pounced, Bodhi pounced. The rabbit stood no chance. I caught up and separated the 3 parties. It was too late. Peter Cottontail had been maimed and wouldn't be long for this world. I scooped up the 2 attempted murderers and perp walked em back to their cages. Lockdown! As Velveteen lay prostrate and helpless in the back yard, awaiting the clutches of death, I was faced with a decision. Leave the beast to suffer or put down humanely. Well, my house is in the city and directly behind a school, so shooting the rabbit is off the table. I'm also not going to let the dogs eat it. Ignoring my beautiful wife's advice to knife the ***** thing (she's all "I don't mean stab it repeatedly. I just meant for you to poke it in the neck.") Sorry hunny, poke it in the neck? You mean stab...say stab, psycho woman! So here I am... machete in hand. Just like Jason Vorhees. I look like a friggin cartoon! I've dispatched the rabbit. I'm writing this to you as I drink my bourbon and wait for this ***** things legs to stop twitching. All the best, K Edit: Post Script: walking through the backyard, scouting the scene before I let the dogs outside again. Making sure all is clear. There's ***** rabbit parts everywhere! Bloody tufts of fur and *****. Walking through my backyard with a poop bag doing crime scene cleanup. Edit 2: Post Post Script: The rain falls now. Washing away all memory from the night. From the night. Not from me, for I shall remember this night henceforth! Forever shall it haunt my soul! By the way, kill count for the summer: Bodhi: 2 birds and 1 rabbit. Johnny Utah: 1 bird, 1 groundhog and 1 rabbit. Last year these two killed more birds than freshly Windexed glass. They got into a moles nest and murdered a whole family, which they then made me an accessory to. I've just got to face facts. I live with 2 supreme murder machines. They don't have guilt, nor empathy. Just drive. And the look in their eyes...pure joy. Sociopathic dogs. They go right back to cuddling with me once they're finished. Sociopathic....hmm....what if murder is an instinct? ... kidding! Ok, drinking more now!

Eddie Money dead from cancer at 70. Eddie was my first concert. 1991.

I made it 11 seconds into Black Mirror. Nope!