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Pathological Diagnosis: Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS)

Tonight's Battle on Ice: Buffalo Sabres Face Off Against the Detroit Red Wings Puck Drop: 7:00 PM EST (or when they find the puck under the pile of excuses from last game's loss). Watch Live: Catch the broadcast team's attempts to mute the booing on MSG-B or FDSNDET, or listen to the full wail of despair on WGR550. Where: KeyBank Center, where the Sabres will attempt to prove they're not just skating in circles... again. Current Standings: Sabres 11-13-3, Red Wings 10-13-4 – a battle for who can make their fans cry into their hot dogs first. Alright, folks, buckle up for the slapstick showdown of the century: Buffalo Sabres vs. Detroit Red Wings! The Sabres, fresh from losing their way, will unleash their secret weapon, Beck Malenstyn, who's so new, he's still looking for the locker room. Without Dahlin, they're like a circus without its main clown, but hey, they've got Malenstyn, who might accidentally score by tripping over his own stick. The Red Wings, with Talbot and Lyon out, are left with Husso, who's been saving shots at an .884 clip, which is basically a neon sign flashing "Open for Business" for real teams who aren't afraid of their own shadows (we're looking at you, Sabres). Or they'll debut Cossa, who's so fresh, he might mistake the goal for a suggestion box. If this game were a magic show, their goaltending would be the disappearing act. Expect a game where the score might be tied at zero-zero because both teams are too busy tripping over themselves to remember they're supposed to be playing hockey. It's less of a game and more of a comedy sketch where the only thing on the ice more confused than the players is the puck itself. Grab your popcorn for a masterclass in how to suck at sports, brought to you by the Sabres and Red Wings. BONUS CONTENT: The AI wanted you to have this gem: The Buffalo Sabres play their home games in a place where the ice is colder than their playoff chances - the KeyBank Center, nestled in the heart of Buffalo, New York. It's where dreams of championships go to hibernate, and the only thing that's consistently on fire is the food at the concession stands.

Boooo. I bet Bo Byram loves being here.

Owen Power = 🤡

Too many of these players were not developed with the understanding that the game requires grit and a constant sense of urgency. Too many float when they should be engaged. The "too many" I'm referring to are the players in the top 6 and top 2 pairs; the same players relied upon to perform in those moments when someone needs to perform.

Damn, the officiating is awful tonight.

The Sabres need to start giving players an IQ test before acquiring them.

Has Cozens always had an A?

They're playing like a bunch of teens who've been yelled at for being slackers. Parents will understand this.

The AI was on a roll.

That's what AI thinks of Buffalo sports, I guess.

BUFFALO SABRES VS. WINNIPEG JETS The galaxy's eyes turn once more to the KeyBank Center, where the Buffalo Sabres, after a disheartening collapse, seek redemption against the Winnipeg Jets. The narrative continues: The Shadow of Defeat: Haunted by the memory of a game where victory slipped through their grasp like sand through fingers, the Sabres stand at a crossroads. Their fans, the proud Sabrehood, echo their frustration with a fervor that shakes the very core of the arena. A Team in Turmoil: Beset by inconsistency and the specter of a prolonged playoff drought, the Sabres must rediscover their unity and passion. The galaxy watches, hoping this team can rise from the ashes of their last encounter. The Challenge Ahead: The Winnipeg Jets, known for their precision and tenacity, are an adversary not easily defeated. Their recent victories have bolstered their confidence, making them a formidable opponent. The Quest for Honor: Tonight’s game is more than just a match; it's a chance for the Sabres to reclaim their honor, to prove to themselves and their loyal fans that they can overcome adversity. The Ice Awaits: As the puck is about to drop, the Sabres must channel their collective disappointment into an unyielding force. The fans, their voices a blend of hope and critique, call for a performance that not only seeks to win but to restore belief. Will the Sabres harness their inner strength, or will the Jets prove too much for a team in need of redemption? MAY THE FORCE GUIDE THEM TO VICTORY

I most certainly do not suck at it. My record is 2/2.

You're being too generous to the media here.

It's the makeup of the roster. On those other NHL teams - the ones that succeed (because there are also a lot of meh teams, too) there are fewer passengers. There are players who are some combination of smarter, more driven, more aggressive, more passionate. These latter types and the true talents either cancel out the passengers or lift them up. We also, clearly, have the wrong mixture of player psychology. You don't target players who all want to be in a boys club with a bunch of good dudes - you want players who will do anything to win. A team will "love" each other if they all have the same desire to win; you don't need to select players because of that. You don't also want to ignore players "who don't want to be here" unless they're proven locker cancers because they're going to be motivated to play their way out of here. If, at the end of the season, the team has success, you're likely to keep more of them than lose them - which is a different kind of gamble but probably better than the gambles the Sabres have been taking. We don't have a good roster regardless of how talented they are supposed to be or how their individual stats appear. The team itself is a black hole.

In this instance Hammy had said something to the effect that Adams needs to be fired. So, yes, Paul agrees with me that this is on Adams and, no, you don't need to help me regardless.

You think Power can learn how to play aggressive and mean?

HOLY MOLY - I AGREE WITH PAUL HAMSAMMICH!

"It's hurt this team in the past..." means not this year's Sabres.

Adams is the only reasonable target at this point. Or sell the team. One of the two - no other solution makes sense given the context.