EZBills7 Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Sorry to hear about this man. At the risk of well-deserved embarrassment . . . my story sounds similar except I was the ^%$#@ who did the cheating. If there's anything you can gain from this it's worth the embarrassment. I started dating a girl at 14 (to the extent that 14 year olds "date"), and we stayed together all through high school. We seemed to have a perfect relationship and wanted to get married in a couple of years after high school. A different girl who was a mutual friend started showing a lot of interest and flirting, and I was flattered. We could have fun conversations all the time without having to deal with normal (sometimes unpleasant) issues that come along with a relationship. In hindsight, I was an extremely dumb 19 year old who didn't see where things were headed, but a combination of hormones and wondering whether I was missing out on something by committing so early to one person contributed to my cheating with her. So, to answer the why, for me it was mainly selfishness and ego, but I'm sure there are other reasons for other people. My girlfriend found out, and both of our lives fell apart. Of course she was deeply hurt, and I have never felt like such a worthless piece of garbage before or since. During the few months all this was going on, I never once thought of how much I would hurt her if she found out or how much our relationship really was special. The whole experience was the critical point in my life, and I went to counseling to dig into how/why I could do something so stupid and selfish. I made a deep commitment to my religious faith that I had never really made before and vowed to do whatever it takes to never get remotely close to doing something like that again. The unique part of my story is that, after a couple of months of putting herself back together, my girlfriend was watching me change before her eyes. She took a gamble and decided to give me a second chance, and we have lived happily ever after. This all happened 11 years ago, and 8 years ago we got married. We both consider our marriage to be awesome and are still madly in love. I did not deserve a second chance but it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. So, how does this help you? Well, for starters, what happened is not your fault. The other person made a decision and is fully responsible for it. You deserve better than that and should move on. You should try to be open to love and trust other people that come along to the extent that you can. I think it's rare for someone to really change their entire life and perspective to the point that you should consider taking them back - there are cases like mine were it really does happen, but it is really rare. Most of the time people fall back into their same patterns after a while whether it involves cheating, abuse, etc. You should get to the point that you feel good about yourself before you consider entering a new relationship. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Dwight Drane Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Yes I have cheated, but only because she did it first. Yes I have been cheated on. Almost the same thing happened to me as you, believe it or not. With a girl 2+ yrs, meets a guy on the internet, moves to Florida. Talk about bizarre! Two main things need to happen--A.) You realize what a conniving liar she was, learn to LOVE to HATE her, and move on proudly in your life or B.) She realizes what a douchebag this Florida guy is, realizes what an idiot she was, and comes crawling back. Which leads to your ultimate decision to A.) Forgive her, take her back, and she is a good girl forever and treats you like a king and you live happily ever after, or B.) Tell her to go piss off and sleaze some more losers, cause YOU AIN'T ONE OF 'EM!! P.S. People cheat because they are low life scumbags, or because they're bored with each other, or due to lack of communication which leads to distrust, lying, doing things behind each other's backs, etc. When you're in a relationship, you have to be SURE you want each other equally, or else don't be together. And always keep in mind, NOTHING lasts forever. Shoot, I was with one, the love of my life, for 10 years then BAM she's dying in my arms in the Trauma Unit at Vanderbilt because she got in an accident whilst coming to visit ME at work. Ah, LIFE! Man...heavy stuff. I can tell by your personality that you've ridden your share of rodeos. That gets to the crux of it. If someone is young and hasn't experienced a diverse selection of pain and triumph, it's easy to get wrapped up in stuff that might not be worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Dwight Drane Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 OP, A general rule of thumb about life: from puberty until around age 30, it's a woman's world. From around age 30 onward, it's a man's. Listen to Billy.....he gets around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spndnchz Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Wow. I thought I was bad. Or good. Or indifferent. Or geez I don't know anymore. But's I's love's you's man's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henysgol Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Man...heavy stuff. I can tell by your personality that you've ridden your share of rodeos. That gets to the crux of it. If someone is young and hasn't experienced a diverse selection of pain and triumph, it's easy to get wrapped up in stuff that might not be worth it. Indeed. My first long term relationship started when I was 19, was with her for 4 years. She was a meth addicted sleazebag, but I was so starry-eyed and desperate to be loved that I forgot to love myself and get the heck out of there. When it ended, I felt so free. I felt like myself again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
korab rules Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 There are some good bits of info here. Let me boil it down to its essence: 1. You are 20 years old. You don't know what the fook you want in a woman. When you need a new car do you buy the first one you see on the lot? NO! Test drive a few, maybe take one home for the weekend. Spill something on it, see if you like it before you buy it. Hell, instead of buying, maybe just rent one when you need to go somewhere. 2. The cheating hoe isn't worth the time of day. She did you a favor. A BIG favor. You should thank the bitch right before you spit on her if you ever see her again. 3. Sack up, go get drunk, and get over it. I presume you have friends, this is what they are for. Run across the border and visit Maxine's. Sorry about that stain in the first VIP booth on the left. 4. Once you sober up, go bang all her friends, then tell them how much better they are in bed than the cheating hoo ha. You will feel better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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