DREAM SPEECH LEAK!

[I am Defecting]

THIS IS NOT A TEST. WE CAN START PLANNING THE STANLEY CUP PARADES! - Les Bluster

 

 

Maybe it’s not the best format to release this as a leak. I’m not sure I care when others pretend to be me, though, on the internet. I will think about this, before taking any action: don’t treat others, how You don’t like to be treated.That’s not the same as do unto others... This isn’t going anywhere right now. I’ll will send it out to the News, if I decide to, but I have to reflect on whether the means justify the ends, because I do not wish to disrespect the President or MLK with this, quite the contrary...

 

-Mark D. Messinger, “Dream Speech Leaker”

 

(Enter the President)

 

I dream of a Barge. Not just any barge. This is the best barge on Earth, because it’s the Freedom Barge. It will be filled with finely-ground Olivine. You might say, where are we going to get this Olivine? Well, we’ll get it somewhere close to Michigan. Why are we using Olivine, you might ask. Because, I’d say (pregnant pause) because it captures Carbon Dioxide from atmosphere. I know what you’re thinking, I’ve been thinking it too. How will the USA beat the rest of the world at fixing global warming?

 

First let me tell you about this Barge. It’s going to be biodegradable. Why? Because we’re going to send it over Niagara Falls, to speed up the carbon capture, and we don’t need rubble cluttering up the river once the thing gets smashed in the plunge pool. Wait a second, what are we doing this for? You might like what I have to say about that.

 

Once we find the Olivine, we’re going to mine it. We’ll crush some of it. We’ll even make roads with it. Jobs is a huge part of why we’re doing it. We’re going to fill lake freighters full of the stuff and send it down the lakes. We’re going to make slurries of the stuff and spread it on the fields. From Detroit to Buffalo, with stops along the way. Wait, aren’t we going to run out of Olivine?

 

Not if we cooperate with Canada. Their supplies are huge. Obviously, they are open for business, but we might want to get something better than tar from them. Maybe we’ll use the Horseshoe Falls, maybe the American Falls, I haven’t decided. Once we get the Olivine to Buffalo, we can fill the Barge.

 

We’ll park this Barge at 1 Commercial Slip, prime real estate. Did I mention that Buffalo’s grain elevators will be full of Olivine? The freighters will fill the elevators, which will fill the Barge, which will park at the Slip, so people can put notes in it. What?! Notes? We’ll not notes exactly, but I was thinking there could be a theme to them because we’re going to light the Barge on fire before we send it over the Falls.

 

You have got to be kidding me, right? No, I was thinking of using an flaming effigy, but then we’d have to retrieve it, after each time, and send it over again. I’m half scared they might use me as the effigy. Me too. I figured we could write notes like Paul Harvey’s “If I was Satan,” or Woody Guthrie’s “Meanest Man Blues,” or things that I would do “if I was the Anti-christ,” like an exorcism, that sort of thing, but on paper. Sounds pretty crazy, but we’re going to need some sort of kindling to get a fire going on the Barge.

 

If this thing goes like I envision it, people will come from all over the World to put notes on this thing, and see it light on fire and fall over the precipice, and that’s good for the Nations economy. We may even need huge stock markets in cities like Detroit, and Cleveland, and Buffalo, just to deal with the Barge Boom.

 

Once this Barge leaves the Slip, packed full of olivine and mean thoughts, it will get towed out under the Peace Bridge and pass by a statue of Jesus knelt in prayer, next to a statue of Mohammed knelt in prayer, on the Buffalo water intake under the Peace Bridge. Of course Jesus will be kneeling and supplicating like this (praying with his hands), and Mohammed will be kneeling and bowing, but they will be facing Buffalo, and New York City and the Middle East.

 

Now, I can’t make peace in the Middle East all by myself, so I’ll need their help, and they can bless the Barge as it passes by in front of them. Some of you are probably thinking, has the President lost the plot? No, it’s just that I can’t get Jesus and Mohammed to kneel out there in the flesh, praying for peace, so that’s why we need the statues, to add to the experience of the Barge. I included New York City, so they won’t have to build dikes to keep the Seven Seas back.

 

I dream that we may even want more than one barge. I actually think it’s necessary in order to justify mining and freighting the Olivine down the lakes. We will need whole industries devoted to biodegradable flammable barges, and olivine, again, my reasons are jobs, and peace, and curing global warming, and fertilizing fields, and sport fishing, because olivine makes diatoms, and salmons love diatoms.

 

So this is a three part plan. We’re going to fill the barge with olivine and notes, we’re going to send it down the river, and we’re going to light it on fire. Nature will take care of the rest. I hope to add a note myself, and see the first Barge go over the Falls in my lifetime. I can’t wait, but I know that we will not be able to send a flaming barge filled with Olivine and mean thoughts over Niagara Falls without your help. Talk about it with your friends. Talk about it with your government. If there’s one thing that Martin Luther King Jr taught me, it’s that, sometimes, you have to wait a while for a dream to be fully realized (pregnant pause), but you Must try. It will take the nations effort to get this flaming barge over the ledge, but I know that the rewards will be worth the effort.

 

In some ways, I feel that I have lived a dream, by becoming the first man to enter the Fourth Dimension, but when I dreamed about a Freedom Barge I realized that there is so much more to accomplish. If you don’t think we can build such a Barge, let me tell you, Yes we can! May God bless the World, and God bless the Dream. Go Sabres!

[Eleven]

Yuri got into the vodka again.

[spndnchz]

:oops: